End of May

Tomorrow is my birthday. I have one remaining year before I have completed a quarter century on this earth, a teeny tiny blip in the scheme of things. But I am feeling particularly aged. Not old, exactly, but definitely more adult. I can't avoid the fact that I am an adult any longer. I just am. And somewhere along the way, I did begin to feel more adult. This is dull, I realize. But you know what? That's kind of being an adult. It's pretty boring. Which is a whole lot better than it being really stressful or sad or overwhelming. So for now, I'm actually extremely grateful for the mundane. For things being boring. For boring being the biggest problem I have. That's a really awesome problem to have. And I still hope I'm not always bored. But for now, it's better than a lot of the alternatives, and I really do have so much to be thankful for.

Now onto work on those things that need some shaking up! Here's to another adventurous, bewildering, scary year in my life. This one has brought a world I couldn't have imagined. One that is surprisingly stable, despite my efforts. And next year, hopefully by this time I'll be on the shores of a foreign land, relaxing with a delicious drink of some exotic kind and staring into the great abyss of the Atlantic or Pacific. Doesn't matter which. Maybe I'll be by myself. Maybe someone will have come to visit and share the celebration of a completion of 25 years...who knows. But I damn well will not be here. And really, I mean this in the most hopeful, not depressing, way--that's what keeps me going. Knowing that soon, things will be different.

Ok so I'm still bored at work. That's pretty much the end of that thought process. But I really have been doing a lot of reflecting on my life. Introspection. Hah, I realize, I'm always doing that. I'm kinda known for it. But I've been a bit more deliberate about it recently. Working out the problems of what, exactly, it is I do not like about my job, the position in my life, etc. And being really self-centered in a way I've never been, never let myself be, before. Not really listening to what other people think, or certainly not nearly as much as I usually have in the past. One of the bigger realizations I've had is about extremes. I kind of gave up on music because I assumed I wouldn't make it professionally (probably rightly so), but I am recognizing that (duh) just because I don't do it professionally does not in any way limit my ability or the need, really, for me to sing and play guitar in my free time; I can even spend money on it. It's still worth it, because it makes me feel that much better. And I don't think I have ever really recognized that. At least not about music. Actually reminds me of Glee from last week, the one with Neal Patrick Harris, who is out to get arts programs because he feels like they lead him on, and made him erroneously believe he could succeed as a star. Anyway, I saw that and kind of recognized my own thought process, obviously a hyperbolistic version, but it helped me recognize how ridiculous what I was thinking was. And I'd been coming to that conclusion already, but it highlighted it.