The Stupid Journey to Nowhere

I haven't yet blogged a whole lot about anything I would consider particularly personal. I'm not exactly a private person, more guarded and cautious. It's not that I worry about what people will think of me; rather, I worry they wouldn't have an opportunity to ask me to explain myself about something and they'd just make sweeping assumptions, which would bother and frustrate me. That being said, I've had absolutely the most frustrating, difficult time getting a certain medication, and while I understand why things are set up the way they are, it's just utterly frustrating. Really.

For the past 4 years, I have dealt with (suffered from?) acne. Not your run-of-the-mill acne, with a few whiteheads here and there every once in a while, but deep, excruciatingly painful cysts that I basically have nonstop. I admit that I care how it looks, and that I'm really sick of feeling like I cannot not wear makeup in front of anyone, and that it takes me an extra 20 minutes to leave my apartment because I must wash my face, moisturize and put on at least enough makeup to feel like I won't be offending anybody, even if I just want to go get groceries or whatever. I have seldom left my house/apartment sans makeup in the past 4 years, save for the few times I've had a random, inexplicable respite from the acne for a week or so. But more often than not, makeup is required.

Yes, this is obnoxious to me. I feel less free, less able to be spontaneous, always worried if I touch my face that I will irreparably damage my makeup. But the more awful symptom I've had to deal with is the pain, and the constant reminder that my face is a battleground for bacteria (what an image! Imagine the feeling).

That all being said, I went to the dermatologist soon after this began and was put on every different cycline available (tetra, mino, and doxy). Two of them made me nauseated, the third was leaving some sort of scarring. Fun. The derm also recommended I get on birth control pills. So I think they did help, and if I were also regularly engaging in activity that might result in pregnancy, they'd have been an okay option, but once I started seeing an Acupuncturist, she wanted me off them and I had no problem with going off. But the acne flared up with a vengeance. Not fun she tried to treat it with acupuncture, but to no avail. So, about 3.5 years after first going to the dermatologist, who said the next line of treatment would be accutane, but that my acne wasn't bad enough for that (perhaps because it was being treated with hormones?), I returned with my new, excellent health insurance to a dermatologist.

I called to schedule an appointment in the beginning of April. It took about a
month to get the first appointment. And at that point, my acne was in one of the better places it had been. So I was second-guessing asking for accutane. But she recommended it after I'd told her I had already been on all the cyclines and didn't want to go on birth control. I'd read all about how evil it is to fetuses, but having no intention of getting pregnant in the next probably 5 years, but at the very least the next 2, that was not an issue for me.

So I left with the understanding that in 30 days I'd be able to come back and get the prescription, assuming my second pregnancy test was negative. Which I knew it would be. One month later, and a negative pregnancy test, and oh! Whoops! The dermatologist's office forgot to enter me into the iPledge system, which means I must return in 30 MORE days for yet another pregnancy test. Seriously??! Okay. Whatever. Well, during this period, my acne once again worsens. Which is just fabulous. At least it's confirmation that I really need these meds.

So I go back 30 days later with yet another (predictably) negative pregnancy test, and finally walk out with a prescription. This next leg of the story, I would like to begin by taking full responsibility for the mess-up that is mine. So, in this system, you have 7 days to fill the prescription. My appointment was a Monday, so I had until Sunday night to fill it, which of course means Friday for all intents and purposes. I should have gotten it filled Tuesday! Or Wednesday! Or Thursday! Only I was busy and putting it off so that next time, I'd have enough pills to last through whenever I'd be picking up the prescription that time. So I take the prescription in Friday at 1pm, which I figure is enough time for any mess-ups to be fixed. They say it'll be ready at 3, so I will come back after work. I get there, ready to finally, 3 months after initially making an appointment with the intent o begin this medication and end the war on my face, and the woman at the pharmacy counter tells me that my insurance can't confirm my birth date. "well, they've confirmed it before," I say. She says, "you have CVS Caremark, right?" "No. No that is not the insurance I gave them." "Oh." She takes me card and re-enters the information. She calls the iPledge system. I am allowed to receive this medication. Yay! She enters it into the billing system and it says I'm not covered. I am, I insist. She tries again. I do, in fact have coverage. But wait! I need a preauthorization for THIS medication. Joy! More hoops! Well, by this point, it is 5:14 and turns out, the doctor's office is closed, of course until Tuesday. But I can only get the medication by Sunday. If I don't pick it up by then, I must retake the pregnancy test and re-answer their dumb questions that I could've made myself. All this requires yet another visit to the derm.

So I called today and asked for the next appointment. The doctor is on vacation until the end of July. When I already have what was supposed to be my follow-up appointment. Had the pharmacy called me to tell me that my birth date was "incorrect" (which turned out to be their mistake for entering the entirely incorrect insurance type), I would be on the meds now. If my dermatologist had hours on Friday until 6, I'd have it. If they'd originally entered the information at my first appointment? Done. And if I had brought the prescription to be filled before Friday, I would've been able to begin taking the meds.

But the universe, including myself, conspired against me so I would not start them yet. Maybe I'm not supposed to take them. It will be 4 months after when I wanted to now. And the real reason? Because the iPledge system treats me as a fetal vessel instead of a human being. Because my discomfort for 4 years should not be as important as a potential life. Bull. Shit.

I'm pissed at myself, but I am upset at this system. I understand the need for prevention of exposure of this drug to fetuses, and I know if there were a less strict system, people wouldn't take it as seriously and moreover, lots of females taking this drug are adolescents and because we have such a piss-poor sex ed system in place in this country, many (many) of them do NOT know how to scientifically prevent pregnancy. But I'm not one of those people. And while I made a small error (in not taking the prescription in earlier), so many other eff-ups were not mine. I did go back and ask how much the medication would be if I just bought it out-right. $900. I will be able to get this medication for nothing because of my insurance. I feel incredibly fortunate for this fact; even the fact that I'm able to get the medication at all, and treatment for acne, I feel fortunate about. But I am frustrated. The acne has certainly had an impact (I don't think even I am aware how large) on my self-esteem as far as how I feel about myself physically, which sucks. At this point, I'm pretty certain that I'll go on it. I want to just get it over with though, and obviously that's not happening.

Okay enough of that. More updates soon. Everything else is going semi-well. Just too bad I'll have to suffer from acne for another 2 months. Who knows? Maybe it'll be more!! Wouldn't that be fun?