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A Much-Needed Life Update

Blog-reading folks, I have not written in forever, and I give you my sincerest of apologies.

I have been way preoccupied with my job and fantastic romantic friend, Alan.

Labor Day weekend, we drove down to NC to visit my family, which was lovely but definitely stressful, and the weekend prior, my mother was up here visiting, which was really just wonderful, but busy-ish. I'm finally settling down for fall, hoping to have a lot more time to just relax and hang out than I have this summer--it has just been nuts! Though it's beginning to look like the next couple months, too, will be crazy.

I am totally loving my job, more and more each week. I definitely have a lot of work to do, but I am feeling even more like I just need to deal with it step by step, and the more I understand, the more possible it all seems that I can truly make a difference and actually enjoy this. I more or less like the people I work with. And despite some of the craziness of the Ryan Center, it is a place that I have some respect for, in terms of mission and intention. There are some fantastically hard-working people there, and things could certainly be a lot worse. Every day, I feel so incredibly fortunate to have found a job that I like as much as I do this one, and one that I feel fulfilled by, that can tap into all of my skills and abilities. I know that not everyone, and especially not everyone my age, is so lucky.

I'm finally also getting my room straightened out--I bought a lamp (immediately before the overhead bulb went out--what amazing timing!!), and a new Ikea bed base that makes my bed actually feel like a bed instead of a hard slab. I didn't realize what a different that would make either--I woke up this morning without the body pain I've become accustomed to (I didn't even recognize it as a problem).

So I'm excited. And as the heat is dying down, my room is more and more comfortable. Soon, I will be complaining about the cold. Oh, joy!

I know this is short, but I've got some Dexter to watch before sleepy-time. Here's to another wonderfully stressful (perfect amount of stress) week!

Longest Monday in Years

I guess I have a real job now--I'm heading home a bit after 8 (that was my cut-off point for myself, but I wanted to get more done), I got to work at 9am and I only took a 30 minute lunch. So I literally worked 10 and a half hours. I'm exhausted. And really frustrated everyone has a lot on their plate, and I'm not trying to put more. But I am working my ass off and people don't even call me back to let things start moving so that we can actually get credit for all the work we've been doing. If I weren't so exhausted, I'd scream.

I do get paid my new, big pay check this week. Hopefully that'll cheer me up a bit. But I'm just so tired!! And I want to talk to my mommy and see her, and she will be here when we're trying to tie things up with this huge year-end of a grant that is the reason I was at work for 3 extra hours.

Mostly I'm just upset that I am ending up being responsible for cleaning up other peoples messes. And now I'm pissy because seriously, iPhone??? You know your own name, but you won't let me type a possessive plural of people??! So I look like I don't know grammar, when it is YOU, my love, who lacks in their knowledge. Am I incorrect about that? Someone let me know. I'm done now, before I say anything too stupid. (hopefully haven't crossed that line).

Just be glad you're, my beloved friends, not near me physically right now. I'm simply not in a pleasant mood.

Best Week Ever!!

So far, srsly this has been the best week ever.

I've been super-busy, and haven't had time to update since the road trip, so here goes.

I got back Thursday night and had a fantastic and relaxing weekend with my sweetheart, then picked up my friend, Amy, to come stay for a few days and see NYC, interview for a few jobs, visit. We chatted Sunday night, then Monday morning I went to my first day at the new position, which is definitely exciting. I was so strongly nervous and psyched about it all that I felt like I was gonna throw up. In a good way??? I don't know how that exactly makes sense.

The first day was a bit overwhelming, but I also ended up feeling pretty confident that I'd excel and end up loving this job. I think it has the potential to push me maybe not to my limit, but far. I will learn a shit ton. I will never be bored. I will be working over 35 hours a week. That's really okay with me, at least right now.

Monday night, Amy and I met up with my friend, John and his roommate for drinks, as well as my friend, Ryan, who recently moved from New York. It was quite lovely to see them all and just catch up, laugh, and enjoy everyone's company. Though I did go to sleep kind of late.

Work the second day was more of first. Lots of policies and procedures (reading them, orienting myself). Then today just took off at work--I was in meetings from 10am until 3pm, then had to get shit together in the afternoon--very busy, I learned so much (I feel like a sponge!!), and I've also been in the process of organizing myself so that my calendar for work is connected to my phone and I can use it/access it when necessary, and then also I've begun creating to do lists and notes from things on my phone. It's becoming way more useful even than it had been before. Which, really, I wasn't sure was possible. Evidently, it was. Anyway, I didn't get a lunch time today, and ended up being at work until almost 7pm, partly because I was waiting for my friend, Natacha, with whom I was going to dinner. I did finish up some work, so the extra time was helpful.

Natacha and I went to dinner, and I'm only now heading home at after 11pm. So we had a wonderful conversation, and it was just really great to hang out with her after seeing friends from home to realize that I do have some people here who I very much love and enjoy hanging out with. And it was really rare to get time without kids or work being "in the way." But I do adore her children, so having them around isn't exactly in the way. Just a different kind of time together.

Anyway, I'm just feeling so lucky, and thinking about how wonderful my life is. My mom is coming in a few weeks, I have an eventful but not too packed weekend planned, and I really love the people in my life, both who visit me and who live here (though there are so many fewer of them). I am just basking in the glory of my fantastic (for now) life, savoring every moment of this. What a brilliant time!

The Grand Canyon and Roughin' It

Sorry it's been a while since I was able to update. Here's the explanation.

Camping in Missouri ended up alright--we arrived and began putting up the tent to discover there were no poles with the tent Julie's friend lent us. Whoops!! So Julie had to go back out to a walmart to pick up a new (smaller) tent. We decided to wake up early and book it from Springfield to either Santa Rosa, New Mexico or maybe even Albuquerque...! That was a bit optimistic. But we actually made it.

The night in the tent though was kind of stressful for us both. It was late when we arrived, we made some beanie weenies and s'mores (yay!!), which were delish. But the tent was super small, like, I couldn't even stretch out my entire length. And I'm not that tall. And it was humid. But more importantly, I discovered that my inner lizard brain works quite well.

In the middle of the night, I suddenly awoke, due to some kind of animal sniffing at our tent. When I say suddenly, I mean literally shot up. I almost opened the tent to see what was there, but that seemed like maybe not such a great idea. And then I heard howling, quite nearby. So maybe wolves? Coyotes? Rodents of unusual size?? I did get back to sleep. And then awoke later to more sniffing. Creeeeeepy!! But we survived. So it's all good.

So Monday we drove through the rest of Missouri on 44, went through Oklahoma and proceeded to the tip-top of Texas, through Amarillo. Oklahoma was boring, and Texas was similar, but for some reason more beautiful and interesting. I guess there was a bit more vegetation, more curves, which makes things interesting.

Texas was short and sweet, and suddenly we were in New Mexico and everything was gorgeous! Though very empty. There'd be mesas or mountains in the distance, then just flat, as far as you could see. We saw lots of shrubs. And cows.

We got to Albuquerque after about 12 hours of pretty much straight driving, taking turns and stopping for gas, bathrooms, food and coffee. We found a hotel in Albuquerque, and a sweet Mexican place nearby. We ate some delish food and went to sleep. Finally, I got a decent nights sleep. It'd been quite a while.

So because we were able to go the full 820 or so miles from Springfield, MO to Albuquerque, NM, we could afford a leisurely start to the day this morning in our sketchtastic Travelodge place, but we did have to figure out the rest of our plan.

So we sort of knew today would be about getting to the Grand Canyon, but neither of us knew anything about the Grand Canyon, or like, what to do there. Just pretty much that it exists. So we headed to Flagstaff and just figured we'd take it from there. We ate a fantastic lunch in Flagstaff, which was an adorable little town with such beautiful scenery. And then we headed to the Southern Rim of the Grand Canyon.

We arrived at the Grand Canyon around 6pm, which is a bit late, but we'd decided just to basically take some pictures and move on. It was a bit dark, but truly one of the most fantastically beautiful and awesome sights I have ever seen. I got some nice photos, Julie and I were both overwhelmed by our amazement. And then it started raining. I had my D-SLR with me. The rain scared me. And it was cold!! But we made it back to the car, camera in tow and though we were soaked, in excellent spirits. Especially because we got to see a rainbow in the Grand Canyon...! I'm sure that happens a lot, but it was so incredible. Just the Canyon seriously, was amazing. And the rainbow added. So we're back on the road at 8pm Pacific time, heading to LA. Our plan now is to find a place to stay along I-40 in an hour or so and then get to LA tomorrow morning so we'll have time to get Julie a bed by tomorrow night.

I am overall so impressed by how beautiful, vast and empty this country is. There is a whole lotta nothin'. Not that I didn't know that at least to some degree before, but I have now seen it. Though the Southwest is gorgeous. I would someday like to return. I liked Flagstaff a lot--it feels like Colorado.

I think that's all for now. I'm tired, but the past two days have been wonderful. I love driving, and it has been such a pleasure at least doing that, and even though we're buzzing through the country, it's kind of cool--pushing the limits of how many miles we can go in a day. Still, flying back into New York after this will be....magical. And Monday brings a whole new world.

Louisville to Missouri

We're on Day 3 of our cross-country road trip. Last night, Julie and I arrived in Louisville at 10pm, at the affordable farm house her sister just recently moved into. We were both exhausted, so we went to sleep pretty quickly.

This morning, I was able to contact an old friend, Cathy, who lived with me and my mom when I was 14, and meet up with her at her work for her 30 minute break. It was nice to see her and get to catch up randomly. And, really, that's what this trip is all about for me. Taking things as they come. Practicing relaxing in stressful situations.

We left a bit late because we met up with a couple more of Julie's friends kind of at the last minute, but we should still get to Springfield (the stopping area of choice due to time constraints and our desire to camp). I kind of wanted to meet up with my cousin in Columbia, MO, but it's too far out of the way. This is unfortunately not a leisurely trip. Anyway, we just stopped at walmart (thanks, walmart iphone app!!) to pick up an extra sleeping bag, camping supplies and food. I drove all morning, so I'm super-exhausted. But I'll keep you updated. The scenery has been lots of corn, flat. Getting a bit more interesting now, but West Virginia was way prettier. That's all for now!

It MIGHT be okay

I'm on the road, traveling on I-64 between Lexington, Kentucky toward Louisville to stay with my friend, Julie's sister for the night. Tomorrow we head to Missouri tomorrow, though we're not yet sure where we'll be sleeping....probably a campsite somewhere. It's a bit of a fly-by-the-seat-of-our pants endeavor. It's all good though.

I found out on Thursday that had I not gotten my promotion, I would've been laid off, which my two coworkers are. I'm both extremely relieved and also scared out of my mind about the reality of there being just no promises in life. It's also a reminder to go after what you want.

I started packing (which, really, meant doing laundry) Thursday night for this trip, then woke up early to finish packing everything on Friday morning. I hauled all my shit to work with me on the subway, and luckily it wasn't too crowded on the commute; I think everyone took off to go to the beach or something. Anyway. I was at work for my last day both of my job and possibly of seeing my coworkers, in case they don't stay with the organization, which is quite likely, at least for one of them. So I had to close out all of my patients, which is both a fair amount of paperwork and sort of emotionally draining, and also say goodbye to my coworkers. Then I had to haul all my shit to Brooklyn (Julie's house, not mine). Then we drove one of Julie's roommates to Jersey, after of course sitting around for a while, saying goodbyes, etc.

We also had to stop in South Jersey to say goodbye to one of Julie's best friends, Jenna, who's grandmother was in the hospital, so it took a fair amount of waiting. It was already about 10pm and I was tired, and we wanted to make it to DC to stay with Julie's parents for the first night, where we were gonna have to pick up some more of Julie's stuff.

So finally we left around 11pm and made it around 2:30am, at which point we crashed. In the morning, we went to breakfast with Julie's mom and brother, which was nice, and then headed on our way.

We headed for Lexington, where we met up with friends of Julie's (she went to school at University of Kentucky), and then now we're headed to Louisville. More updates coming soon!

Unit One: Passed

So I'm feeling like I've (finally!!) passed the first unit in being an adult. I found out Monday that I officially got the promotion that I'd been hoping for, and for a while basically knowing I had. But I haven't felt like I could officially be excited about it, nor exclaim it to the world. I like to wait until things are official to do that, you know? Just in the case that against all odds, someone actually reads this.

So my new position, which starts August 2nd, will be Assistant Coordinator for HIV Testing and Linkage to Care. That means I'll be managing grants, supervising a couple staff, possibly writing grants, as well as policies and procedures. Fun! It's so different than the previous job, I can't even really compare them, except that they're in the same center.

I'm super excited about getting to learn more about how the center runs from the inside and feeling more productive/important (although I'm also aware now that that "importance" is pretty much all about ego...hey, I'm young, I'm allowed to have an ego, right??). It certainly doesn't hurt I'm getting an increase in income. Yay!

So that is my big, boiling-over news. The other excitement (there's been quite a bit in the past couple of weeks) is a cross-country road trip I'm planning with my friend, Julie (former roommate, Julie). She's moving to LA and needed someone to drive with her and all her shit out there. I volunteered.

I'm somewhat conflicted about this trip because this was the week I was going to go to NC, but I also think it will be a rare opportunity in my life to drive cross-country, and spend some (hah, who are we kidding?? A SHIT-ton) time with my friend who's moving away, at least for now.

So those are some pretty stellar things happening. On top of that, I've launched into a whirlwind romance that I will not detail here, suffice to say it has pleasantly turned my world upside down, and I have somehow managed to continue to feel fully like myself, only maybe even more so. It's been pretty fantastic, and like some sort of chocolate icing on a cake that I'd been baking (the trips, job, new neighborhood). It kind of brings it all together.

In short--life is good. I'm trying to enjoy the brilliant part of all this, and not worry about when it will all come crashing down. But this time, I really do see that I have worked my butt off to get all this to work out, and it's great it's all happening at the same time, but it's all stuff I've really been waiting for and working towards. And now, I'm enjoying my delicious cake.

Boredom

I used to get bored really easily. I do not anymore. This is mostly due to my fantastic little gadget, the iPhone. I recently downloaded the iBooks application, thinking I would literally never use it. And you know what? For a few days, I was right. And then, I decided to start reading "Eat, Pray, Love" on a whim, just the sample text and see how I liked the book and moreover, reading on my teeny little device. I suppose this was somewhat spurred by seeing the magical iPhone 4 in person, which is dumbly did with my friend, Matt, who was visiting for the weekend. I thought I didn't want one. I was so wrong. Because as awesome as my phone is, this one is seriously magical. Mostly the screen. I cannot explain this to you without showing you, but it looks like paper. That's the best way I can describe it. But after seeing it and realizing how magical it is, I was thankful to have my own phone anyway (strange reaction? yes. Am I grateful that I am able to come to this conclusion? Absolutely), because of all the awesome things it does. Also I know that some day, I will buy myself and iPhone 4. That day may be far off. Or maybe it will not. Regardless, it sort of inspired me to attempt to read a book with iBooks. And it may have been the book, but I was hooked. And bought the book on iBooks.

I have been voraciously reading it since--I'm on page 685 of 1105 (the "pages" are teeny). Wow. I did not expect to think this was so awesome. So, two of my problems with reading, apart from having trouble finding excellent books, is about comfort of being able to read, and for some reason, I do actually find the iPhone comfortable to hold. Not sure how I'd feel about the iPad. But I don't have one, so no worries. But more than that, I would always forget a book (left the most recent physical book I was reading on a bus, remember that??). But THIS book is INSIDE my phone! So whenever I have my phone, and it is not dying (which I have learned how to prevent with some simple energy-saving tips via Google), I have my book. This is awesome! I actually do think more than that, I seriously adore this book. I have fallen head over heels for Elizabeth Gilbert--I just think she's fabulous. And it's strange, because I've meant to read this book for quite some time, but it's so perfect for the place I'm in, and while it makes me really want to travel, it also makes me realize how far I've come. How much of what she's doing in the book, I've done in New York. Less the spiritual stuff, more the self-actualization and acceptance (which I think the spiritual stuff really is all about). So I am really enjoying this book, and the experience of not having to remember it, just having it with me at all times.

Other ways that the iPhone has prevented boredom/enhanced my life include solitaire, word warp (which I've found to improve my Scrabble skillz, much to my pleasant surprise), sudoku, reading the news via NY Times application or my RSS feed application, and of course the Facebook application. I would not know New York nearly as well without the help of the awesome map, and finding my way around the subway system with The Map application is much easier. I've loved being able to take pictures and immediately upload them to Facebook--it's made both the ability to take pictures with the phone and Facebook much more awesome. There are just so many amazing things that the phone, well, computer, is capable of, and it is seriously incredible that so much can be so small. I've also felt like it really has enhanced my life, as it has given me more access to podcasts of all flavors in addition to my music, and wonderful audiobooks as well. I just have used the heck out of this thing, and I adore it's capabilities.

Okay, done with the iPhone lovefest haha.

The Stupid Journey to Nowhere

I haven't yet blogged a whole lot about anything I would consider particularly personal. I'm not exactly a private person, more guarded and cautious. It's not that I worry about what people will think of me; rather, I worry they wouldn't have an opportunity to ask me to explain myself about something and they'd just make sweeping assumptions, which would bother and frustrate me. That being said, I've had absolutely the most frustrating, difficult time getting a certain medication, and while I understand why things are set up the way they are, it's just utterly frustrating. Really.

For the past 4 years, I have dealt with (suffered from?) acne. Not your run-of-the-mill acne, with a few whiteheads here and there every once in a while, but deep, excruciatingly painful cysts that I basically have nonstop. I admit that I care how it looks, and that I'm really sick of feeling like I cannot not wear makeup in front of anyone, and that it takes me an extra 20 minutes to leave my apartment because I must wash my face, moisturize and put on at least enough makeup to feel like I won't be offending anybody, even if I just want to go get groceries or whatever. I have seldom left my house/apartment sans makeup in the past 4 years, save for the few times I've had a random, inexplicable respite from the acne for a week or so. But more often than not, makeup is required.

Yes, this is obnoxious to me. I feel less free, less able to be spontaneous, always worried if I touch my face that I will irreparably damage my makeup. But the more awful symptom I've had to deal with is the pain, and the constant reminder that my face is a battleground for bacteria (what an image! Imagine the feeling).

That all being said, I went to the dermatologist soon after this began and was put on every different cycline available (tetra, mino, and doxy). Two of them made me nauseated, the third was leaving some sort of scarring. Fun. The derm also recommended I get on birth control pills. So I think they did help, and if I were also regularly engaging in activity that might result in pregnancy, they'd have been an okay option, but once I started seeing an Acupuncturist, she wanted me off them and I had no problem with going off. But the acne flared up with a vengeance. Not fun she tried to treat it with acupuncture, but to no avail. So, about 3.5 years after first going to the dermatologist, who said the next line of treatment would be accutane, but that my acne wasn't bad enough for that (perhaps because it was being treated with hormones?), I returned with my new, excellent health insurance to a dermatologist.

I called to schedule an appointment in the beginning of April. It took about a
month to get the first appointment. And at that point, my acne was in one of the better places it had been. So I was second-guessing asking for accutane. But she recommended it after I'd told her I had already been on all the cyclines and didn't want to go on birth control. I'd read all about how evil it is to fetuses, but having no intention of getting pregnant in the next probably 5 years, but at the very least the next 2, that was not an issue for me.

So I left with the understanding that in 30 days I'd be able to come back and get the prescription, assuming my second pregnancy test was negative. Which I knew it would be. One month later, and a negative pregnancy test, and oh! Whoops! The dermatologist's office forgot to enter me into the iPledge system, which means I must return in 30 MORE days for yet another pregnancy test. Seriously??! Okay. Whatever. Well, during this period, my acne once again worsens. Which is just fabulous. At least it's confirmation that I really need these meds.

So I go back 30 days later with yet another (predictably) negative pregnancy test, and finally walk out with a prescription. This next leg of the story, I would like to begin by taking full responsibility for the mess-up that is mine. So, in this system, you have 7 days to fill the prescription. My appointment was a Monday, so I had until Sunday night to fill it, which of course means Friday for all intents and purposes. I should have gotten it filled Tuesday! Or Wednesday! Or Thursday! Only I was busy and putting it off so that next time, I'd have enough pills to last through whenever I'd be picking up the prescription that time. So I take the prescription in Friday at 1pm, which I figure is enough time for any mess-ups to be fixed. They say it'll be ready at 3, so I will come back after work. I get there, ready to finally, 3 months after initially making an appointment with the intent o begin this medication and end the war on my face, and the woman at the pharmacy counter tells me that my insurance can't confirm my birth date. "well, they've confirmed it before," I say. She says, "you have CVS Caremark, right?" "No. No that is not the insurance I gave them." "Oh." She takes me card and re-enters the information. She calls the iPledge system. I am allowed to receive this medication. Yay! She enters it into the billing system and it says I'm not covered. I am, I insist. She tries again. I do, in fact have coverage. But wait! I need a preauthorization for THIS medication. Joy! More hoops! Well, by this point, it is 5:14 and turns out, the doctor's office is closed, of course until Tuesday. But I can only get the medication by Sunday. If I don't pick it up by then, I must retake the pregnancy test and re-answer their dumb questions that I could've made myself. All this requires yet another visit to the derm.

So I called today and asked for the next appointment. The doctor is on vacation until the end of July. When I already have what was supposed to be my follow-up appointment. Had the pharmacy called me to tell me that my birth date was "incorrect" (which turned out to be their mistake for entering the entirely incorrect insurance type), I would be on the meds now. If my dermatologist had hours on Friday until 6, I'd have it. If they'd originally entered the information at my first appointment? Done. And if I had brought the prescription to be filled before Friday, I would've been able to begin taking the meds.

But the universe, including myself, conspired against me so I would not start them yet. Maybe I'm not supposed to take them. It will be 4 months after when I wanted to now. And the real reason? Because the iPledge system treats me as a fetal vessel instead of a human being. Because my discomfort for 4 years should not be as important as a potential life. Bull. Shit.

I'm pissed at myself, but I am upset at this system. I understand the need for prevention of exposure of this drug to fetuses, and I know if there were a less strict system, people wouldn't take it as seriously and moreover, lots of females taking this drug are adolescents and because we have such a piss-poor sex ed system in place in this country, many (many) of them do NOT know how to scientifically prevent pregnancy. But I'm not one of those people. And while I made a small error (in not taking the prescription in earlier), so many other eff-ups were not mine. I did go back and ask how much the medication would be if I just bought it out-right. $900. I will be able to get this medication for nothing because of my insurance. I feel incredibly fortunate for this fact; even the fact that I'm able to get the medication at all, and treatment for acne, I feel fortunate about. But I am frustrated. The acne has certainly had an impact (I don't think even I am aware how large) on my self-esteem as far as how I feel about myself physically, which sucks. At this point, I'm pretty certain that I'll go on it. I want to just get it over with though, and obviously that's not happening.

Okay enough of that. More updates soon. Everything else is going semi-well. Just too bad I'll have to suffer from acne for another 2 months. Who knows? Maybe it'll be more!! Wouldn't that be fun?