Saturday, January 1, 2011
Sunday, September 19, 2010
A Much-Needed Life Update
Blog-reading folks, I have not written in forever, and I give you my sincerest of apologies.
I have been way preoccupied with my job and fantastic romantic friend, Alan.
Labor Day weekend, we drove down to NC to visit my family, which was lovely but definitely stressful, and the weekend prior, my mother was up here visiting, which was really just wonderful, but busy-ish. I'm finally settling down for fall, hoping to have a lot more time to just relax and hang out than I have this summer--it has just been nuts! Though it's beginning to look like the next couple months, too, will be crazy.
I am totally loving my job, more and more each week. I definitely have a lot of work to do, but I am feeling even more like I just need to deal with it step by step, and the more I understand, the more possible it all seems that I can truly make a difference and actually enjoy this. I more or less like the people I work with. And despite some of the craziness of the Ryan Center, it is a place that I have some respect for, in terms of mission and intention. There are some fantastically hard-working people there, and things could certainly be a lot worse. Every day, I feel so incredibly fortunate to have found a job that I like as much as I do this one, and one that I feel fulfilled by, that can tap into all of my skills and abilities. I know that not everyone, and especially not everyone my age, is so lucky.
I'm finally also getting my room straightened out--I bought a lamp (immediately before the overhead bulb went out--what amazing timing!!), and a new Ikea bed base that makes my bed actually feel like a bed instead of a hard slab. I didn't realize what a different that would make either--I woke up this morning without the body pain I've become accustomed to (I didn't even recognize it as a problem).
So I'm excited. And as the heat is dying down, my room is more and more comfortable. Soon, I will be complaining about the cold. Oh, joy!
I know this is short, but I've got some Dexter to watch before sleepy-time. Here's to another wonderfully stressful (perfect amount of stress) week!
I have been way preoccupied with my job and fantastic romantic friend, Alan.
Labor Day weekend, we drove down to NC to visit my family, which was lovely but definitely stressful, and the weekend prior, my mother was up here visiting, which was really just wonderful, but busy-ish. I'm finally settling down for fall, hoping to have a lot more time to just relax and hang out than I have this summer--it has just been nuts! Though it's beginning to look like the next couple months, too, will be crazy.
I am totally loving my job, more and more each week. I definitely have a lot of work to do, but I am feeling even more like I just need to deal with it step by step, and the more I understand, the more possible it all seems that I can truly make a difference and actually enjoy this. I more or less like the people I work with. And despite some of the craziness of the Ryan Center, it is a place that I have some respect for, in terms of mission and intention. There are some fantastically hard-working people there, and things could certainly be a lot worse. Every day, I feel so incredibly fortunate to have found a job that I like as much as I do this one, and one that I feel fulfilled by, that can tap into all of my skills and abilities. I know that not everyone, and especially not everyone my age, is so lucky.
I'm finally also getting my room straightened out--I bought a lamp (immediately before the overhead bulb went out--what amazing timing!!), and a new Ikea bed base that makes my bed actually feel like a bed instead of a hard slab. I didn't realize what a different that would make either--I woke up this morning without the body pain I've become accustomed to (I didn't even recognize it as a problem).
So I'm excited. And as the heat is dying down, my room is more and more comfortable. Soon, I will be complaining about the cold. Oh, joy!
I know this is short, but I've got some Dexter to watch before sleepy-time. Here's to another wonderfully stressful (perfect amount of stress) week!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Longest Monday in Years
I guess I have a real job now--I'm heading home a bit after 8 (that was my cut-off point for myself, but I wanted to get more done), I got to work at 9am and I only took a 30 minute lunch. So I literally worked 10 and a half hours. I'm exhausted. And really frustrated everyone has a lot on their plate, and I'm not trying to put more. But I am working my ass off and people don't even call me back to let things start moving so that we can actually get credit for all the work we've been doing. If I weren't so exhausted, I'd scream.
I do get paid my new, big pay check this week. Hopefully that'll cheer me up a bit. But I'm just so tired!! And I want to talk to my mommy and see her, and she will be here when we're trying to tie things up with this huge year-end of a grant that is the reason I was at work for 3 extra hours.
Mostly I'm just upset that I am ending up being responsible for cleaning up other peoples messes. And now I'm pissy because seriously, iPhone??? You know your own name, but you won't let me type a possessive plural of people??! So I look like I don't know grammar, when it is YOU, my love, who lacks in their knowledge. Am I incorrect about that? Someone let me know. I'm done now, before I say anything too stupid. (hopefully haven't crossed that line).
Just be glad you're, my beloved friends, not near me physically right now. I'm simply not in a pleasant mood.
I do get paid my new, big pay check this week. Hopefully that'll cheer me up a bit. But I'm just so tired!! And I want to talk to my mommy and see her, and she will be here when we're trying to tie things up with this huge year-end of a grant that is the reason I was at work for 3 extra hours.
Mostly I'm just upset that I am ending up being responsible for cleaning up other peoples messes. And now I'm pissy because seriously, iPhone??? You know your own name, but you won't let me type a possessive plural of people??! So I look like I don't know grammar, when it is YOU, my love, who lacks in their knowledge. Am I incorrect about that? Someone let me know. I'm done now, before I say anything too stupid. (hopefully haven't crossed that line).
Just be glad you're, my beloved friends, not near me physically right now. I'm simply not in a pleasant mood.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Best Week Ever!!
So far, srsly this has been the best week ever.
I've been super-busy, and haven't had time to update since the road trip, so here goes.
I got back Thursday night and had a fantastic and relaxing weekend with my sweetheart, then picked up my friend, Amy, to come stay for a few days and see NYC, interview for a few jobs, visit. We chatted Sunday night, then Monday morning I went to my first day at the new position, which is definitely exciting. I was so strongly nervous and psyched about it all that I felt like I was gonna throw up. In a good way??? I don't know how that exactly makes sense.
The first day was a bit overwhelming, but I also ended up feeling pretty confident that I'd excel and end up loving this job. I think it has the potential to push me maybe not to my limit, but far. I will learn a shit ton. I will never be bored. I will be working over 35 hours a week. That's really okay with me, at least right now.
Monday night, Amy and I met up with my friend, John and his roommate for drinks, as well as my friend, Ryan, who recently moved from New York. It was quite lovely to see them all and just catch up, laugh, and enjoy everyone's company. Though I did go to sleep kind of late.
Work the second day was more of first. Lots of policies and procedures (reading them, orienting myself). Then today just took off at work--I was in meetings from 10am until 3pm, then had to get shit together in the afternoon--very busy, I learned so much (I feel like a sponge!!), and I've also been in the process of organizing myself so that my calendar for work is connected to my phone and I can use it/access it when necessary, and then also I've begun creating to do lists and notes from things on my phone. It's becoming way more useful even than it had been before. Which, really, I wasn't sure was possible. Evidently, it was. Anyway, I didn't get a lunch time today, and ended up being at work until almost 7pm, partly because I was waiting for my friend, Natacha, with whom I was going to dinner. I did finish up some work, so the extra time was helpful.
Natacha and I went to dinner, and I'm only now heading home at after 11pm. So we had a wonderful conversation, and it was just really great to hang out with her after seeing friends from home to realize that I do have some people here who I very much love and enjoy hanging out with. And it was really rare to get time without kids or work being "in the way." But I do adore her children, so having them around isn't exactly in the way. Just a different kind of time together.
Anyway, I'm just feeling so lucky, and thinking about how wonderful my life is. My mom is coming in a few weeks, I have an eventful but not too packed weekend planned, and I really love the people in my life, both who visit me and who live here (though there are so many fewer of them). I am just basking in the glory of my fantastic (for now) life, savoring every moment of this. What a brilliant time!
I've been super-busy, and haven't had time to update since the road trip, so here goes.
I got back Thursday night and had a fantastic and relaxing weekend with my sweetheart, then picked up my friend, Amy, to come stay for a few days and see NYC, interview for a few jobs, visit. We chatted Sunday night, then Monday morning I went to my first day at the new position, which is definitely exciting. I was so strongly nervous and psyched about it all that I felt like I was gonna throw up. In a good way??? I don't know how that exactly makes sense.
The first day was a bit overwhelming, but I also ended up feeling pretty confident that I'd excel and end up loving this job. I think it has the potential to push me maybe not to my limit, but far. I will learn a shit ton. I will never be bored. I will be working over 35 hours a week. That's really okay with me, at least right now.
Monday night, Amy and I met up with my friend, John and his roommate for drinks, as well as my friend, Ryan, who recently moved from New York. It was quite lovely to see them all and just catch up, laugh, and enjoy everyone's company. Though I did go to sleep kind of late.
Work the second day was more of first. Lots of policies and procedures (reading them, orienting myself). Then today just took off at work--I was in meetings from 10am until 3pm, then had to get shit together in the afternoon--very busy, I learned so much (I feel like a sponge!!), and I've also been in the process of organizing myself so that my calendar for work is connected to my phone and I can use it/access it when necessary, and then also I've begun creating to do lists and notes from things on my phone. It's becoming way more useful even than it had been before. Which, really, I wasn't sure was possible. Evidently, it was. Anyway, I didn't get a lunch time today, and ended up being at work until almost 7pm, partly because I was waiting for my friend, Natacha, with whom I was going to dinner. I did finish up some work, so the extra time was helpful.
Natacha and I went to dinner, and I'm only now heading home at after 11pm. So we had a wonderful conversation, and it was just really great to hang out with her after seeing friends from home to realize that I do have some people here who I very much love and enjoy hanging out with. And it was really rare to get time without kids or work being "in the way." But I do adore her children, so having them around isn't exactly in the way. Just a different kind of time together.
Anyway, I'm just feeling so lucky, and thinking about how wonderful my life is. My mom is coming in a few weeks, I have an eventful but not too packed weekend planned, and I really love the people in my life, both who visit me and who live here (though there are so many fewer of them). I am just basking in the glory of my fantastic (for now) life, savoring every moment of this. What a brilliant time!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The Grand Canyon and Roughin' It
Sorry it's been a while since I was able to update. Here's the explanation.
Camping in Missouri ended up alright--we arrived and began putting up the tent to discover there were no poles with the tent Julie's friend lent us. Whoops!! So Julie had to go back out to a walmart to pick up a new (smaller) tent. We decided to wake up early and book it from Springfield to either Santa Rosa, New Mexico or maybe even Albuquerque...! That was a bit optimistic. But we actually made it.
The night in the tent though was kind of stressful for us both. It was late when we arrived, we made some beanie weenies and s'mores (yay!!), which were delish. But the tent was super small, like, I couldn't even stretch out my entire length. And I'm not that tall. And it was humid. But more importantly, I discovered that my inner lizard brain works quite well.
In the middle of the night, I suddenly awoke, due to some kind of animal sniffing at our tent. When I say suddenly, I mean literally shot up. I almost opened the tent to see what was there, but that seemed like maybe not such a great idea. And then I heard howling, quite nearby. So maybe wolves? Coyotes? Rodents of unusual size?? I did get back to sleep. And then awoke later to more sniffing. Creeeeeepy!! But we survived. So it's all good.
So Monday we drove through the rest of Missouri on 44, went through Oklahoma and proceeded to the tip-top of Texas, through Amarillo. Oklahoma was boring, and Texas was similar, but for some reason more beautiful and interesting. I guess there was a bit more vegetation, more curves, which makes things interesting.
Texas was short and sweet, and suddenly we were in New Mexico and everything was gorgeous! Though very empty. There'd be mesas or mountains in the distance, then just flat, as far as you could see. We saw lots of shrubs. And cows.
We got to Albuquerque after about 12 hours of pretty much straight driving, taking turns and stopping for gas, bathrooms, food and coffee. We found a hotel in Albuquerque, and a sweet Mexican place nearby. We ate some delish food and went to sleep. Finally, I got a decent nights sleep. It'd been quite a while.
So because we were able to go the full 820 or so miles from Springfield, MO to Albuquerque, NM, we could afford a leisurely start to the day this morning in our sketchtastic Travelodge place, but we did have to figure out the rest of our plan.
So we sort of knew today would be about getting to the Grand Canyon, but neither of us knew anything about the Grand Canyon, or like, what to do there. Just pretty much that it exists. So we headed to Flagstaff and just figured we'd take it from there. We ate a fantastic lunch in Flagstaff, which was an adorable little town with such beautiful scenery. And then we headed to the Southern Rim of the Grand Canyon.
We arrived at the Grand Canyon around 6pm, which is a bit late, but we'd decided just to basically take some pictures and move on. It was a bit dark, but truly one of the most fantastically beautiful and awesome sights I have ever seen. I got some nice photos, Julie and I were both overwhelmed by our amazement. And then it started raining. I had my D-SLR with me. The rain scared me. And it was cold!! But we made it back to the car, camera in tow and though we were soaked, in excellent spirits. Especially because we got to see a rainbow in the Grand Canyon...! I'm sure that happens a lot, but it was so incredible. Just the Canyon seriously, was amazing. And the rainbow added. So we're back on the road at 8pm Pacific time, heading to LA. Our plan now is to find a place to stay along I-40 in an hour or so and then get to LA tomorrow morning so we'll have time to get Julie a bed by tomorrow night.
I am overall so impressed by how beautiful, vast and empty this country is. There is a whole lotta nothin'. Not that I didn't know that at least to some degree before, but I have now seen it. Though the Southwest is gorgeous. I would someday like to return. I liked Flagstaff a lot--it feels like Colorado.
I think that's all for now. I'm tired, but the past two days have been wonderful. I love driving, and it has been such a pleasure at least doing that, and even though we're buzzing through the country, it's kind of cool--pushing the limits of how many miles we can go in a day. Still, flying back into New York after this will be....magical. And Monday brings a whole new world.
Camping in Missouri ended up alright--we arrived and began putting up the tent to discover there were no poles with the tent Julie's friend lent us. Whoops!! So Julie had to go back out to a walmart to pick up a new (smaller) tent. We decided to wake up early and book it from Springfield to either Santa Rosa, New Mexico or maybe even Albuquerque...! That was a bit optimistic. But we actually made it.
The night in the tent though was kind of stressful for us both. It was late when we arrived, we made some beanie weenies and s'mores (yay!!), which were delish. But the tent was super small, like, I couldn't even stretch out my entire length. And I'm not that tall. And it was humid. But more importantly, I discovered that my inner lizard brain works quite well.
In the middle of the night, I suddenly awoke, due to some kind of animal sniffing at our tent. When I say suddenly, I mean literally shot up. I almost opened the tent to see what was there, but that seemed like maybe not such a great idea. And then I heard howling, quite nearby. So maybe wolves? Coyotes? Rodents of unusual size?? I did get back to sleep. And then awoke later to more sniffing. Creeeeeepy!! But we survived. So it's all good.
So Monday we drove through the rest of Missouri on 44, went through Oklahoma and proceeded to the tip-top of Texas, through Amarillo. Oklahoma was boring, and Texas was similar, but for some reason more beautiful and interesting. I guess there was a bit more vegetation, more curves, which makes things interesting.
Texas was short and sweet, and suddenly we were in New Mexico and everything was gorgeous! Though very empty. There'd be mesas or mountains in the distance, then just flat, as far as you could see. We saw lots of shrubs. And cows.
We got to Albuquerque after about 12 hours of pretty much straight driving, taking turns and stopping for gas, bathrooms, food and coffee. We found a hotel in Albuquerque, and a sweet Mexican place nearby. We ate some delish food and went to sleep. Finally, I got a decent nights sleep. It'd been quite a while.
So because we were able to go the full 820 or so miles from Springfield, MO to Albuquerque, NM, we could afford a leisurely start to the day this morning in our sketchtastic Travelodge place, but we did have to figure out the rest of our plan.
So we sort of knew today would be about getting to the Grand Canyon, but neither of us knew anything about the Grand Canyon, or like, what to do there. Just pretty much that it exists. So we headed to Flagstaff and just figured we'd take it from there. We ate a fantastic lunch in Flagstaff, which was an adorable little town with such beautiful scenery. And then we headed to the Southern Rim of the Grand Canyon.
We arrived at the Grand Canyon around 6pm, which is a bit late, but we'd decided just to basically take some pictures and move on. It was a bit dark, but truly one of the most fantastically beautiful and awesome sights I have ever seen. I got some nice photos, Julie and I were both overwhelmed by our amazement. And then it started raining. I had my D-SLR with me. The rain scared me. And it was cold!! But we made it back to the car, camera in tow and though we were soaked, in excellent spirits. Especially because we got to see a rainbow in the Grand Canyon...! I'm sure that happens a lot, but it was so incredible. Just the Canyon seriously, was amazing. And the rainbow added. So we're back on the road at 8pm Pacific time, heading to LA. Our plan now is to find a place to stay along I-40 in an hour or so and then get to LA tomorrow morning so we'll have time to get Julie a bed by tomorrow night.
I am overall so impressed by how beautiful, vast and empty this country is. There is a whole lotta nothin'. Not that I didn't know that at least to some degree before, but I have now seen it. Though the Southwest is gorgeous. I would someday like to return. I liked Flagstaff a lot--it feels like Colorado.
I think that's all for now. I'm tired, but the past two days have been wonderful. I love driving, and it has been such a pleasure at least doing that, and even though we're buzzing through the country, it's kind of cool--pushing the limits of how many miles we can go in a day. Still, flying back into New York after this will be....magical. And Monday brings a whole new world.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Louisville to Missouri
We're on Day 3 of our cross-country road trip. Last night, Julie and I arrived in Louisville at 10pm, at the affordable farm house her sister just recently moved into. We were both exhausted, so we went to sleep pretty quickly.
This morning, I was able to contact an old friend, Cathy, who lived with me and my mom when I was 14, and meet up with her at her work for her 30 minute break. It was nice to see her and get to catch up randomly. And, really, that's what this trip is all about for me. Taking things as they come. Practicing relaxing in stressful situations.
We left a bit late because we met up with a couple more of Julie's friends kind of at the last minute, but we should still get to Springfield (the stopping area of choice due to time constraints and our desire to camp). I kind of wanted to meet up with my cousin in Columbia, MO, but it's too far out of the way. This is unfortunately not a leisurely trip. Anyway, we just stopped at walmart (thanks, walmart iphone app!!) to pick up an extra sleeping bag, camping supplies and food. I drove all morning, so I'm super-exhausted. But I'll keep you updated. The scenery has been lots of corn, flat. Getting a bit more interesting now, but West Virginia was way prettier. That's all for now!
This morning, I was able to contact an old friend, Cathy, who lived with me and my mom when I was 14, and meet up with her at her work for her 30 minute break. It was nice to see her and get to catch up randomly. And, really, that's what this trip is all about for me. Taking things as they come. Practicing relaxing in stressful situations.
We left a bit late because we met up with a couple more of Julie's friends kind of at the last minute, but we should still get to Springfield (the stopping area of choice due to time constraints and our desire to camp). I kind of wanted to meet up with my cousin in Columbia, MO, but it's too far out of the way. This is unfortunately not a leisurely trip. Anyway, we just stopped at walmart (thanks, walmart iphone app!!) to pick up an extra sleeping bag, camping supplies and food. I drove all morning, so I'm super-exhausted. But I'll keep you updated. The scenery has been lots of corn, flat. Getting a bit more interesting now, but West Virginia was way prettier. That's all for now!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
It MIGHT be okay
I'm on the road, traveling on I-64 between Lexington, Kentucky toward Louisville to stay with my friend, Julie's sister for the night. Tomorrow we head to Missouri tomorrow, though we're not yet sure where we'll be sleeping....probably a campsite somewhere. It's a bit of a fly-by-the-seat-of-our pants endeavor. It's all good though.
I found out on Thursday that had I not gotten my promotion, I would've been laid off, which my two coworkers are. I'm both extremely relieved and also scared out of my mind about the reality of there being just no promises in life. It's also a reminder to go after what you want.
I started packing (which, really, meant doing laundry) Thursday night for this trip, then woke up early to finish packing everything on Friday morning. I hauled all my shit to work with me on the subway, and luckily it wasn't too crowded on the commute; I think everyone took off to go to the beach or something. Anyway. I was at work for my last day both of my job and possibly of seeing my coworkers, in case they don't stay with the organization, which is quite likely, at least for one of them. So I had to close out all of my patients, which is both a fair amount of paperwork and sort of emotionally draining, and also say goodbye to my coworkers. Then I had to haul all my shit to Brooklyn (Julie's house, not mine). Then we drove one of Julie's roommates to Jersey, after of course sitting around for a while, saying goodbyes, etc.
We also had to stop in South Jersey to say goodbye to one of Julie's best friends, Jenna, who's grandmother was in the hospital, so it took a fair amount of waiting. It was already about 10pm and I was tired, and we wanted to make it to DC to stay with Julie's parents for the first night, where we were gonna have to pick up some more of Julie's stuff.
So finally we left around 11pm and made it around 2:30am, at which point we crashed. In the morning, we went to breakfast with Julie's mom and brother, which was nice, and then headed on our way.
We headed for Lexington, where we met up with friends of Julie's (she went to school at University of Kentucky), and then now we're headed to Louisville. More updates coming soon!
I found out on Thursday that had I not gotten my promotion, I would've been laid off, which my two coworkers are. I'm both extremely relieved and also scared out of my mind about the reality of there being just no promises in life. It's also a reminder to go after what you want.
I started packing (which, really, meant doing laundry) Thursday night for this trip, then woke up early to finish packing everything on Friday morning. I hauled all my shit to work with me on the subway, and luckily it wasn't too crowded on the commute; I think everyone took off to go to the beach or something. Anyway. I was at work for my last day both of my job and possibly of seeing my coworkers, in case they don't stay with the organization, which is quite likely, at least for one of them. So I had to close out all of my patients, which is both a fair amount of paperwork and sort of emotionally draining, and also say goodbye to my coworkers. Then I had to haul all my shit to Brooklyn (Julie's house, not mine). Then we drove one of Julie's roommates to Jersey, after of course sitting around for a while, saying goodbyes, etc.
We also had to stop in South Jersey to say goodbye to one of Julie's best friends, Jenna, who's grandmother was in the hospital, so it took a fair amount of waiting. It was already about 10pm and I was tired, and we wanted to make it to DC to stay with Julie's parents for the first night, where we were gonna have to pick up some more of Julie's stuff.
So finally we left around 11pm and made it around 2:30am, at which point we crashed. In the morning, we went to breakfast with Julie's mom and brother, which was nice, and then headed on our way.
We headed for Lexington, where we met up with friends of Julie's (she went to school at University of Kentucky), and then now we're headed to Louisville. More updates coming soon!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Unit One: Passed
So I'm feeling like I've (finally!!) passed the first unit in being an adult. I found out Monday that I officially got the promotion that I'd been hoping for, and for a while basically knowing I had. But I haven't felt like I could officially be excited about it, nor exclaim it to the world. I like to wait until things are official to do that, you know? Just in the case that against all odds, someone actually reads this.
So my new position, which starts August 2nd, will be Assistant Coordinator for HIV Testing and Linkage to Care. That means I'll be managing grants, supervising a couple staff, possibly writing grants, as well as policies and procedures. Fun! It's so different than the previous job, I can't even really compare them, except that they're in the same center.
I'm super excited about getting to learn more about how the center runs from the inside and feeling more productive/important (although I'm also aware now that that "importance" is pretty much all about ego...hey, I'm young, I'm allowed to have an ego, right??). It certainly doesn't hurt I'm getting an increase in income. Yay!
So that is my big, boiling-over news. The other excitement (there's been quite a bit in the past couple of weeks) is a cross-country road trip I'm planning with my friend, Julie (former roommate, Julie). She's moving to LA and needed someone to drive with her and all her shit out there. I volunteered.
I'm somewhat conflicted about this trip because this was the week I was going to go to NC, but I also think it will be a rare opportunity in my life to drive cross-country, and spend some (hah, who are we kidding?? A SHIT-ton) time with my friend who's moving away, at least for now.
So those are some pretty stellar things happening. On top of that, I've launched into a whirlwind romance that I will not detail here, suffice to say it has pleasantly turned my world upside down, and I have somehow managed to continue to feel fully like myself, only maybe even more so. It's been pretty fantastic, and like some sort of chocolate icing on a cake that I'd been baking (the trips, job, new neighborhood). It kind of brings it all together.
In short--life is good. I'm trying to enjoy the brilliant part of all this, and not worry about when it will all come crashing down. But this time, I really do see that I have worked my butt off to get all this to work out, and it's great it's all happening at the same time, but it's all stuff I've really been waiting for and working towards. And now, I'm enjoying my delicious cake.
So my new position, which starts August 2nd, will be Assistant Coordinator for HIV Testing and Linkage to Care. That means I'll be managing grants, supervising a couple staff, possibly writing grants, as well as policies and procedures. Fun! It's so different than the previous job, I can't even really compare them, except that they're in the same center.
I'm super excited about getting to learn more about how the center runs from the inside and feeling more productive/important (although I'm also aware now that that "importance" is pretty much all about ego...hey, I'm young, I'm allowed to have an ego, right??). It certainly doesn't hurt I'm getting an increase in income. Yay!
So that is my big, boiling-over news. The other excitement (there's been quite a bit in the past couple of weeks) is a cross-country road trip I'm planning with my friend, Julie (former roommate, Julie). She's moving to LA and needed someone to drive with her and all her shit out there. I volunteered.
I'm somewhat conflicted about this trip because this was the week I was going to go to NC, but I also think it will be a rare opportunity in my life to drive cross-country, and spend some (hah, who are we kidding?? A SHIT-ton) time with my friend who's moving away, at least for now.
So those are some pretty stellar things happening. On top of that, I've launched into a whirlwind romance that I will not detail here, suffice to say it has pleasantly turned my world upside down, and I have somehow managed to continue to feel fully like myself, only maybe even more so. It's been pretty fantastic, and like some sort of chocolate icing on a cake that I'd been baking (the trips, job, new neighborhood). It kind of brings it all together.
In short--life is good. I'm trying to enjoy the brilliant part of all this, and not worry about when it will all come crashing down. But this time, I really do see that I have worked my butt off to get all this to work out, and it's great it's all happening at the same time, but it's all stuff I've really been waiting for and working towards. And now, I'm enjoying my delicious cake.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Boredom
I used to get bored really easily. I do not anymore. This is mostly due to my fantastic little gadget, the iPhone. I recently downloaded the iBooks application, thinking I would literally never use it. And you know what? For a few days, I was right. And then, I decided to start reading "Eat, Pray, Love" on a whim, just the sample text and see how I liked the book and moreover, reading on my teeny little device. I suppose this was somewhat spurred by seeing the magical iPhone 4 in person, which is dumbly did with my friend, Matt, who was visiting for the weekend. I thought I didn't want one. I was so wrong. Because as awesome as my phone is, this one is seriously magical. Mostly the screen. I cannot explain this to you without showing you, but it looks like paper. That's the best way I can describe it. But after seeing it and realizing how magical it is, I was thankful to have my own phone anyway (strange reaction? yes. Am I grateful that I am able to come to this conclusion? Absolutely), because of all the awesome things it does. Also I know that some day, I will buy myself and iPhone 4. That day may be far off. Or maybe it will not. Regardless, it sort of inspired me to attempt to read a book with iBooks. And it may have been the book, but I was hooked. And bought the book on iBooks.
I have been voraciously reading it since--I'm on page 685 of 1105 (the "pages" are teeny). Wow. I did not expect to think this was so awesome. So, two of my problems with reading, apart from having trouble finding excellent books, is about comfort of being able to read, and for some reason, I do actually find the iPhone comfortable to hold. Not sure how I'd feel about the iPad. But I don't have one, so no worries. But more than that, I would always forget a book (left the most recent physical book I was reading on a bus, remember that??). But THIS book is INSIDE my phone! So whenever I have my phone, and it is not dying (which I have learned how to prevent with some simple energy-saving tips via Google), I have my book. This is awesome! I actually do think more than that, I seriously adore this book. I have fallen head over heels for Elizabeth Gilbert--I just think she's fabulous. And it's strange, because I've meant to read this book for quite some time, but it's so perfect for the place I'm in, and while it makes me really want to travel, it also makes me realize how far I've come. How much of what she's doing in the book, I've done in New York. Less the spiritual stuff, more the self-actualization and acceptance (which I think the spiritual stuff really is all about). So I am really enjoying this book, and the experience of not having to remember it, just having it with me at all times.
Other ways that the iPhone has prevented boredom/enhanced my life include solitaire, word warp (which I've found to improve my Scrabble skillz, much to my pleasant surprise), sudoku, reading the news via NY Times application or my RSS feed application, and of course the Facebook application. I would not know New York nearly as well without the help of the awesome map, and finding my way around the subway system with The Map application is much easier. I've loved being able to take pictures and immediately upload them to Facebook--it's made both the ability to take pictures with the phone and Facebook much more awesome. There are just so many amazing things that the phone, well, computer, is capable of, and it is seriously incredible that so much can be so small. I've also felt like it really has enhanced my life, as it has given me more access to podcasts of all flavors in addition to my music, and wonderful audiobooks as well. I just have used the heck out of this thing, and I adore it's capabilities.
Okay, done with the iPhone lovefest haha.
I have been voraciously reading it since--I'm on page 685 of 1105 (the "pages" are teeny). Wow. I did not expect to think this was so awesome. So, two of my problems with reading, apart from having trouble finding excellent books, is about comfort of being able to read, and for some reason, I do actually find the iPhone comfortable to hold. Not sure how I'd feel about the iPad. But I don't have one, so no worries. But more than that, I would always forget a book (left the most recent physical book I was reading on a bus, remember that??). But THIS book is INSIDE my phone! So whenever I have my phone, and it is not dying (which I have learned how to prevent with some simple energy-saving tips via Google), I have my book. This is awesome! I actually do think more than that, I seriously adore this book. I have fallen head over heels for Elizabeth Gilbert--I just think she's fabulous. And it's strange, because I've meant to read this book for quite some time, but it's so perfect for the place I'm in, and while it makes me really want to travel, it also makes me realize how far I've come. How much of what she's doing in the book, I've done in New York. Less the spiritual stuff, more the self-actualization and acceptance (which I think the spiritual stuff really is all about). So I am really enjoying this book, and the experience of not having to remember it, just having it with me at all times.
Other ways that the iPhone has prevented boredom/enhanced my life include solitaire, word warp (which I've found to improve my Scrabble skillz, much to my pleasant surprise), sudoku, reading the news via NY Times application or my RSS feed application, and of course the Facebook application. I would not know New York nearly as well without the help of the awesome map, and finding my way around the subway system with The Map application is much easier. I've loved being able to take pictures and immediately upload them to Facebook--it's made both the ability to take pictures with the phone and Facebook much more awesome. There are just so many amazing things that the phone, well, computer, is capable of, and it is seriously incredible that so much can be so small. I've also felt like it really has enhanced my life, as it has given me more access to podcasts of all flavors in addition to my music, and wonderful audiobooks as well. I just have used the heck out of this thing, and I adore it's capabilities.
Okay, done with the iPhone lovefest haha.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The Stupid Journey to Nowhere
I haven't yet blogged a whole lot about anything I would consider particularly personal. I'm not exactly a private person, more guarded and cautious. It's not that I worry about what people will think of me; rather, I worry they wouldn't have an opportunity to ask me to explain myself about something and they'd just make sweeping assumptions, which would bother and frustrate me. That being said, I've had absolutely the most frustrating, difficult time getting a certain medication, and while I understand why things are set up the way they are, it's just utterly frustrating. Really.
For the past 4 years, I have dealt with (suffered from?) acne. Not your run-of-the-mill acne, with a few whiteheads here and there every once in a while, but deep, excruciatingly painful cysts that I basically have nonstop. I admit that I care how it looks, and that I'm really sick of feeling like I cannot not wear makeup in front of anyone, and that it takes me an extra 20 minutes to leave my apartment because I must wash my face, moisturize and put on at least enough makeup to feel like I won't be offending anybody, even if I just want to go get groceries or whatever. I have seldom left my house/apartment sans makeup in the past 4 years, save for the few times I've had a random, inexplicable respite from the acne for a week or so. But more often than not, makeup is required.
Yes, this is obnoxious to me. I feel less free, less able to be spontaneous, always worried if I touch my face that I will irreparably damage my makeup. But the more awful symptom I've had to deal with is the pain, and the constant reminder that my face is a battleground for bacteria (what an image! Imagine the feeling).
That all being said, I went to the dermatologist soon after this began and was put on every different cycline available (tetra, mino, and doxy). Two of them made me nauseated, the third was leaving some sort of scarring. Fun. The derm also recommended I get on birth control pills. So I think they did help, and if I were also regularly engaging in activity that might result in pregnancy, they'd have been an okay option, but once I started seeing an Acupuncturist, she wanted me off them and I had no problem with going off. But the acne flared up with a vengeance. Not fun she tried to treat it with acupuncture, but to no avail. So, about 3.5 years after first going to the dermatologist, who said the next line of treatment would be accutane, but that my acne wasn't bad enough for that (perhaps because it was being treated with hormones?), I returned with my new, excellent health insurance to a dermatologist.
I called to schedule an appointment in the beginning of April. It took about a
month to get the first appointment. And at that point, my acne was in one of the better places it had been. So I was second-guessing asking for accutane. But she recommended it after I'd told her I had already been on all the cyclines and didn't want to go on birth control. I'd read all about how evil it is to fetuses, but having no intention of getting pregnant in the next probably 5 years, but at the very least the next 2, that was not an issue for me.
So I left with the understanding that in 30 days I'd be able to come back and get the prescription, assuming my second pregnancy test was negative. Which I knew it would be. One month later, and a negative pregnancy test, and oh! Whoops! The dermatologist's office forgot to enter me into the iPledge system, which means I must return in 30 MORE days for yet another pregnancy test. Seriously??! Okay. Whatever. Well, during this period, my acne once again worsens. Which is just fabulous. At least it's confirmation that I really need these meds.
So I go back 30 days later with yet another (predictably) negative pregnancy test, and finally walk out with a prescription. This next leg of the story, I would like to begin by taking full responsibility for the mess-up that is mine. So, in this system, you have 7 days to fill the prescription. My appointment was a Monday, so I had until Sunday night to fill it, which of course means Friday for all intents and purposes. I should have gotten it filled Tuesday! Or Wednesday! Or Thursday! Only I was busy and putting it off so that next time, I'd have enough pills to last through whenever I'd be picking up the prescription that time. So I take the prescription in Friday at 1pm, which I figure is enough time for any mess-ups to be fixed. They say it'll be ready at 3, so I will come back after work. I get there, ready to finally, 3 months after initially making an appointment with the intent o begin this medication and end the war on my face, and the woman at the pharmacy counter tells me that my insurance can't confirm my birth date. "well, they've confirmed it before," I say. She says, "you have CVS Caremark, right?" "No. No that is not the insurance I gave them." "Oh." She takes me card and re-enters the information. She calls the iPledge system. I am allowed to receive this medication. Yay! She enters it into the billing system and it says I'm not covered. I am, I insist. She tries again. I do, in fact have coverage. But wait! I need a preauthorization for THIS medication. Joy! More hoops! Well, by this point, it is 5:14 and turns out, the doctor's office is closed, of course until Tuesday. But I can only get the medication by Sunday. If I don't pick it up by then, I must retake the pregnancy test and re-answer their dumb questions that I could've made myself. All this requires yet another visit to the derm.
So I called today and asked for the next appointment. The doctor is on vacation until the end of July. When I already have what was supposed to be my follow-up appointment. Had the pharmacy called me to tell me that my birth date was "incorrect" (which turned out to be their mistake for entering the entirely incorrect insurance type), I would be on the meds now. If my dermatologist had hours on Friday until 6, I'd have it. If they'd originally entered the information at my first appointment? Done. And if I had brought the prescription to be filled before Friday, I would've been able to begin taking the meds.
But the universe, including myself, conspired against me so I would not start them yet. Maybe I'm not supposed to take them. It will be 4 months after when I wanted to now. And the real reason? Because the iPledge system treats me as a fetal vessel instead of a human being. Because my discomfort for 4 years should not be as important as a potential life. Bull. Shit.
I'm pissed at myself, but I am upset at this system. I understand the need for prevention of exposure of this drug to fetuses, and I know if there were a less strict system, people wouldn't take it as seriously and moreover, lots of females taking this drug are adolescents and because we have such a piss-poor sex ed system in place in this country, many (many) of them do NOT know how to scientifically prevent pregnancy. But I'm not one of those people. And while I made a small error (in not taking the prescription in earlier), so many other eff-ups were not mine. I did go back and ask how much the medication would be if I just bought it out-right. $900. I will be able to get this medication for nothing because of my insurance. I feel incredibly fortunate for this fact; even the fact that I'm able to get the medication at all, and treatment for acne, I feel fortunate about. But I am frustrated. The acne has certainly had an impact (I don't think even I am aware how large) on my self-esteem as far as how I feel about myself physically, which sucks. At this point, I'm pretty certain that I'll go on it. I want to just get it over with though, and obviously that's not happening.
Okay enough of that. More updates soon. Everything else is going semi-well. Just too bad I'll have to suffer from acne for another 2 months. Who knows? Maybe it'll be more!! Wouldn't that be fun?
For the past 4 years, I have dealt with (suffered from?) acne. Not your run-of-the-mill acne, with a few whiteheads here and there every once in a while, but deep, excruciatingly painful cysts that I basically have nonstop. I admit that I care how it looks, and that I'm really sick of feeling like I cannot not wear makeup in front of anyone, and that it takes me an extra 20 minutes to leave my apartment because I must wash my face, moisturize and put on at least enough makeup to feel like I won't be offending anybody, even if I just want to go get groceries or whatever. I have seldom left my house/apartment sans makeup in the past 4 years, save for the few times I've had a random, inexplicable respite from the acne for a week or so. But more often than not, makeup is required.
Yes, this is obnoxious to me. I feel less free, less able to be spontaneous, always worried if I touch my face that I will irreparably damage my makeup. But the more awful symptom I've had to deal with is the pain, and the constant reminder that my face is a battleground for bacteria (what an image! Imagine the feeling).
That all being said, I went to the dermatologist soon after this began and was put on every different cycline available (tetra, mino, and doxy). Two of them made me nauseated, the third was leaving some sort of scarring. Fun. The derm also recommended I get on birth control pills. So I think they did help, and if I were also regularly engaging in activity that might result in pregnancy, they'd have been an okay option, but once I started seeing an Acupuncturist, she wanted me off them and I had no problem with going off. But the acne flared up with a vengeance. Not fun she tried to treat it with acupuncture, but to no avail. So, about 3.5 years after first going to the dermatologist, who said the next line of treatment would be accutane, but that my acne wasn't bad enough for that (perhaps because it was being treated with hormones?), I returned with my new, excellent health insurance to a dermatologist.
I called to schedule an appointment in the beginning of April. It took about a
month to get the first appointment. And at that point, my acne was in one of the better places it had been. So I was second-guessing asking for accutane. But she recommended it after I'd told her I had already been on all the cyclines and didn't want to go on birth control. I'd read all about how evil it is to fetuses, but having no intention of getting pregnant in the next probably 5 years, but at the very least the next 2, that was not an issue for me.
So I left with the understanding that in 30 days I'd be able to come back and get the prescription, assuming my second pregnancy test was negative. Which I knew it would be. One month later, and a negative pregnancy test, and oh! Whoops! The dermatologist's office forgot to enter me into the iPledge system, which means I must return in 30 MORE days for yet another pregnancy test. Seriously??! Okay. Whatever. Well, during this period, my acne once again worsens. Which is just fabulous. At least it's confirmation that I really need these meds.
So I go back 30 days later with yet another (predictably) negative pregnancy test, and finally walk out with a prescription. This next leg of the story, I would like to begin by taking full responsibility for the mess-up that is mine. So, in this system, you have 7 days to fill the prescription. My appointment was a Monday, so I had until Sunday night to fill it, which of course means Friday for all intents and purposes. I should have gotten it filled Tuesday! Or Wednesday! Or Thursday! Only I was busy and putting it off so that next time, I'd have enough pills to last through whenever I'd be picking up the prescription that time. So I take the prescription in Friday at 1pm, which I figure is enough time for any mess-ups to be fixed. They say it'll be ready at 3, so I will come back after work. I get there, ready to finally, 3 months after initially making an appointment with the intent o begin this medication and end the war on my face, and the woman at the pharmacy counter tells me that my insurance can't confirm my birth date. "well, they've confirmed it before," I say. She says, "you have CVS Caremark, right?" "No. No that is not the insurance I gave them." "Oh." She takes me card and re-enters the information. She calls the iPledge system. I am allowed to receive this medication. Yay! She enters it into the billing system and it says I'm not covered. I am, I insist. She tries again. I do, in fact have coverage. But wait! I need a preauthorization for THIS medication. Joy! More hoops! Well, by this point, it is 5:14 and turns out, the doctor's office is closed, of course until Tuesday. But I can only get the medication by Sunday. If I don't pick it up by then, I must retake the pregnancy test and re-answer their dumb questions that I could've made myself. All this requires yet another visit to the derm.
So I called today and asked for the next appointment. The doctor is on vacation until the end of July. When I already have what was supposed to be my follow-up appointment. Had the pharmacy called me to tell me that my birth date was "incorrect" (which turned out to be their mistake for entering the entirely incorrect insurance type), I would be on the meds now. If my dermatologist had hours on Friday until 6, I'd have it. If they'd originally entered the information at my first appointment? Done. And if I had brought the prescription to be filled before Friday, I would've been able to begin taking the meds.
But the universe, including myself, conspired against me so I would not start them yet. Maybe I'm not supposed to take them. It will be 4 months after when I wanted to now. And the real reason? Because the iPledge system treats me as a fetal vessel instead of a human being. Because my discomfort for 4 years should not be as important as a potential life. Bull. Shit.
I'm pissed at myself, but I am upset at this system. I understand the need for prevention of exposure of this drug to fetuses, and I know if there were a less strict system, people wouldn't take it as seriously and moreover, lots of females taking this drug are adolescents and because we have such a piss-poor sex ed system in place in this country, many (many) of them do NOT know how to scientifically prevent pregnancy. But I'm not one of those people. And while I made a small error (in not taking the prescription in earlier), so many other eff-ups were not mine. I did go back and ask how much the medication would be if I just bought it out-right. $900. I will be able to get this medication for nothing because of my insurance. I feel incredibly fortunate for this fact; even the fact that I'm able to get the medication at all, and treatment for acne, I feel fortunate about. But I am frustrated. The acne has certainly had an impact (I don't think even I am aware how large) on my self-esteem as far as how I feel about myself physically, which sucks. At this point, I'm pretty certain that I'll go on it. I want to just get it over with though, and obviously that's not happening.
Okay enough of that. More updates soon. Everything else is going semi-well. Just too bad I'll have to suffer from acne for another 2 months. Who knows? Maybe it'll be more!! Wouldn't that be fun?
Friday, July 2, 2010
Weekend with my Dada
It's nearly another weekend, which will surely be eventful as well as the last, but I wanted to share the adventures I had with my dad last weekend before they are swept away by the evil forgetfulness that plagues me.
So my dad was visiting last weekend, which I was excited about but hadn't really had time to plan anything for. So he got here in the middle of the day on Thursday, and I was able to leave from work early and then had taken the day off Friday.
We went back to my apartment, settled in a bit and looked for a place to eat. Looking around, there were several places in my awesome new neighborhood, but I happened upon Caracas, of which there is also a location that I'd been to in the East Village and immediately was thrilled about finding it and eating there. Immediately. They are a Venezuelan restaurant that has arepas (which are fried corn stuffed with deliciousness). So we went there, and it truly was amazing.
Friday we decided to head down to Downtown Brooklyn and ended up at the Transit Museum, which was remarkably awesome and fascinating. Plus you get to go into all the old cars!! Definitely one of the coolest museum experiences I've had in New York. We found a cheap but delicious Mediterranean place and then went to get some ice cream by Brooklyn Bridge Park, and sat in the park as the sun set, talking into the night and counting trains pass with the incredible, fantastic view of both the city and the Brooklyn Bridge. It was pretty magical. We got back to my neighborhood and ventured to Barcade (where they have tons of arcade games and lots of local beer, along with hordes of young people) to say goodbye to my dear friend, Ryan, who left to begin grad school in Nashville. I was quite proud of my dad for being so adventurous, as he was really by far the oldest person there.
Saturday, we actually made it out of Brooklyn. We woke up late and went into the city to check out the Museum of Art and Design, which was interesting and cool, but I was exhausted. Definitely the most visit-worthy part was the exhibit with pieces all made out of feathers, dead bees, dandelion seeds glued to LEDs, etc. That was pretty stellar. The rest was interesting, but for some reason I wasn't really drawn in. They also had huge touch screens where you could see all the pieces they had as a part of their permanent collection, and that was at least a pretty cool idea.
Then we went to see The Secret in their Eyes, a Spanish film that was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Artful, but also entertaining, riveting and appropriately distracting. Then, however, we made a terrible mistake. We went to Coney Island at night.
I had been to Coney Island before, but only in the day, and one of the times, I was mostly at Brighton Beach, which is just down the beach, and just walked through Coney Island. Another time, it was a concert. So I guess I hadn't really been to Coney Island. But it (I found out later) is one of the most dangerous areas in Brooklyn. Good job, Shannon, for taking your dad to the most dangerous area in Brooklyn. But whatever. We did end up surviving, despite seeing a fight (not physical) wherein a dude couldn't keep his shorts up and flashed us, as well as a woman, who appeared inebriated, be arrested. Without a doubt, it was an experience. Just not one I want to re-live.
Sunday, we decided to hang out in the morning, just around the apartment, and get some brunch. We went to a place down the street that was french, Le Barricou, which was delicious. And then we went to BargeMusic, chamber music on a barge. Quite cool. It's right by where we were Friday, the Brooklyn Bridge park. It's definitely one of my new favorite areas--beautiful and some cute restaurants.
Then Monday, dad left and I had to go to work. All in all an adventurous weekend. This weekend, I get another 3-day weekend, again with a friend, Matt. Fireworks from the roof! That's pretty much our only plan. Should be fun.
So my dad was visiting last weekend, which I was excited about but hadn't really had time to plan anything for. So he got here in the middle of the day on Thursday, and I was able to leave from work early and then had taken the day off Friday.
We went back to my apartment, settled in a bit and looked for a place to eat. Looking around, there were several places in my awesome new neighborhood, but I happened upon Caracas, of which there is also a location that I'd been to in the East Village and immediately was thrilled about finding it and eating there. Immediately. They are a Venezuelan restaurant that has arepas (which are fried corn stuffed with deliciousness). So we went there, and it truly was amazing.
Friday we decided to head down to Downtown Brooklyn and ended up at the Transit Museum, which was remarkably awesome and fascinating. Plus you get to go into all the old cars!! Definitely one of the coolest museum experiences I've had in New York. We found a cheap but delicious Mediterranean place and then went to get some ice cream by Brooklyn Bridge Park, and sat in the park as the sun set, talking into the night and counting trains pass with the incredible, fantastic view of both the city and the Brooklyn Bridge. It was pretty magical. We got back to my neighborhood and ventured to Barcade (where they have tons of arcade games and lots of local beer, along with hordes of young people) to say goodbye to my dear friend, Ryan, who left to begin grad school in Nashville. I was quite proud of my dad for being so adventurous, as he was really by far the oldest person there.
Saturday, we actually made it out of Brooklyn. We woke up late and went into the city to check out the Museum of Art and Design, which was interesting and cool, but I was exhausted. Definitely the most visit-worthy part was the exhibit with pieces all made out of feathers, dead bees, dandelion seeds glued to LEDs, etc. That was pretty stellar. The rest was interesting, but for some reason I wasn't really drawn in. They also had huge touch screens where you could see all the pieces they had as a part of their permanent collection, and that was at least a pretty cool idea.
Then we went to see The Secret in their Eyes, a Spanish film that was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Artful, but also entertaining, riveting and appropriately distracting. Then, however, we made a terrible mistake. We went to Coney Island at night.
I had been to Coney Island before, but only in the day, and one of the times, I was mostly at Brighton Beach, which is just down the beach, and just walked through Coney Island. Another time, it was a concert. So I guess I hadn't really been to Coney Island. But it (I found out later) is one of the most dangerous areas in Brooklyn. Good job, Shannon, for taking your dad to the most dangerous area in Brooklyn. But whatever. We did end up surviving, despite seeing a fight (not physical) wherein a dude couldn't keep his shorts up and flashed us, as well as a woman, who appeared inebriated, be arrested. Without a doubt, it was an experience. Just not one I want to re-live.
Sunday, we decided to hang out in the morning, just around the apartment, and get some brunch. We went to a place down the street that was french, Le Barricou, which was delicious. And then we went to BargeMusic, chamber music on a barge. Quite cool. It's right by where we were Friday, the Brooklyn Bridge park. It's definitely one of my new favorite areas--beautiful and some cute restaurants.
Then Monday, dad left and I had to go to work. All in all an adventurous weekend. This weekend, I get another 3-day weekend, again with a friend, Matt. Fireworks from the roof! That's pretty much our only plan. Should be fun.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
A-holes
So here's a fun story. And a true one. This morning I was walking into work, which I generally do with headphones in, this morning listening to an audio-book of "Game Change," which is about the 2008 elections (lots of fun, btw), so I was particularly engrossed, and as I'm about to turn into the building, these two dudes point behind me, like I've dropped something. So I look behind me, nothing there. I turn back to them and they're insistently pointing. I take out my earbud and ask what they're talking about. One of them says they lost their heart right there (where they're pointing). At which point I roll my eyes and purse my lips, continue walking and feel like an idiot. Has New York taught me nothing??! Haha.
But, really, I've had a couple incidents recently of guys really dumbly hitting on me, this being one of them, and the other with a woman I'm doing economic surveys with. We were in Queens last weekend, and this group of guys was taking advantage of our openness to communication because of the survey. And so we talked a bit about why men in Latino countries (particularly, though really this could apply anywhere, in any culture) when they know it won't get them anything tangible (specifically, they won't get laid because they call me "Mami" or mention how sexy I am on the street). And I mentioned to her that I thought it was actually way more about intimidation and control. And I realized that's so true. (I agree with myself!!) but really. True and upsetting. There's no real advantage to cat-calling, except for the very real boost of feeling momentarily more powerful than the woman you've just (hopefully?) intimidated. And this is when I realize that (I know I'm about to walk off a feminist cliff, but bare with me) this is a component of rape culture. Because, as anyone who knows anything about rape knows, rape is about power and control, not sex. Sounding familiar??
I am super disturbed by this, and also frustrated about how to react. If I ignore these dumb people, I feel like maybe that helps a little. If I have any real kind of reaction, that seems to just reinforce the behavior, even if the reaction is rude or mean. Part of me wants to intimidate THEM, but really that, too, isn't helpful, because the whole thing comes from a place of feeling powerless (I think) themselves, so I actually don't want to do anything to exacerbate that feeling.
Maybe there's nothing I can do. Maybe I should talk to them like normal human beings, so that they can see that I, too, am a normal human being. That I can have a conversation and am not merely an object in their game to halt their own insecurity. Anyway. Ranty, yes. But something that's been on my mind.
But, really, I've had a couple incidents recently of guys really dumbly hitting on me, this being one of them, and the other with a woman I'm doing economic surveys with. We were in Queens last weekend, and this group of guys was taking advantage of our openness to communication because of the survey. And so we talked a bit about why men in Latino countries (particularly, though really this could apply anywhere, in any culture) when they know it won't get them anything tangible (specifically, they won't get laid because they call me "Mami" or mention how sexy I am on the street). And I mentioned to her that I thought it was actually way more about intimidation and control. And I realized that's so true. (I agree with myself!!) but really. True and upsetting. There's no real advantage to cat-calling, except for the very real boost of feeling momentarily more powerful than the woman you've just (hopefully?) intimidated. And this is when I realize that (I know I'm about to walk off a feminist cliff, but bare with me) this is a component of rape culture. Because, as anyone who knows anything about rape knows, rape is about power and control, not sex. Sounding familiar??
I am super disturbed by this, and also frustrated about how to react. If I ignore these dumb people, I feel like maybe that helps a little. If I have any real kind of reaction, that seems to just reinforce the behavior, even if the reaction is rude or mean. Part of me wants to intimidate THEM, but really that, too, isn't helpful, because the whole thing comes from a place of feeling powerless (I think) themselves, so I actually don't want to do anything to exacerbate that feeling.
Maybe there's nothing I can do. Maybe I should talk to them like normal human beings, so that they can see that I, too, am a normal human being. That I can have a conversation and am not merely an object in their game to halt their own insecurity. Anyway. Ranty, yes. But something that's been on my mind.
Monday, June 21, 2010
The Cross-City Move
I haven't written for quite some time, but I really have an excellent reason this time--last week, I moved both my office and my apartment. It was totally overwhelming. I'm exhausted (less so after the weekend, which was fairly restful).
I was, as you know if you've been keeping up with things on here, psyched about the move from Washington Heights, ghetto of Manhattan, to Williamsburg, hipsterville central of the US of A and Brooklyn. I am loving living in a neighborhood with so many restaurants and that is so close to pretty much everything. Yay L train!! And Brooklyn is kind of awesome. More laid-back than Manhattan, but still New York City. And my new apartment is so nice...!
I took a trip to Ikea on Friday afternoon because I was so anxious to have a sturdier bed than my airmatress (I moved in with no furniture, save for a hanging thing for clothes, since the room has no closet). But I quickly realized that I needed some help. Just another person. And though that irks my independent streak, it's just the truth. So I went home, a bit dejected and realizing that I would need some more planning.
I thought about going on Saturday, but had no one to help me. So I went to my friend, Ryan's, play, written by kids who stutter in an organization he's been working with for about a year. Another mutual friend was in town with a friend of his, so we all went. Lots of fun. At least, kind of interesting. I don't think I've ever really been around anyone who stutters, it was sort of wild to see so many kids in on place who all stutter. But it seems like really an awesome organization, giving a voice to kids who don't have one.
I was also busy last week with packing, moving, then going to a lesson on financial literacy for immigrants for a project I'm working with that's surveying Mexican immigrants to try and develop a microinsurance for them. It was also pretty cool, and exposure into this world of finance that I am really interested in, but haven't gotten much experience in. And research is research is research. That's the lesson I've learned. It's also great for my Spanish (though exhausting).
Oh AND I house-sat for my friend, Molly, and her husband in Queens last weekend. So really, things have been a bit insane. The office move is also a frustrating, as opposed to exciting, one. It's been confusing and frustrating and a move from an annex with a really different culture to the main building where the actual clinic is, and the culture is a bit more...restrictive.
Anyway, I did finally make it to Ikea on Sunday with my friend, Emma, where I purchased my first bed! And a dresser and desk. I excitedly began putting together the bed, though the excitement quickly turned to weariness, but I made it through and put together a more or less sturdy bed, all by myself! I also put together the "desk" (really just a table), and the dresser will have to wait until I can manage a screwdriver again. I also got some shelves and dark stain, which should be a fun project. Overall, I've actually had quite a fun time figuring out how to put all this together and making myself a cute little home all my own. Anyway, that's the update for now! Should be more updates and excitement soon--my dad's coming to visit this weekend, which I'm pretty excited about. So fun times!
I was, as you know if you've been keeping up with things on here, psyched about the move from Washington Heights, ghetto of Manhattan, to Williamsburg, hipsterville central of the US of A and Brooklyn. I am loving living in a neighborhood with so many restaurants and that is so close to pretty much everything. Yay L train!! And Brooklyn is kind of awesome. More laid-back than Manhattan, but still New York City. And my new apartment is so nice...!
I took a trip to Ikea on Friday afternoon because I was so anxious to have a sturdier bed than my airmatress (I moved in with no furniture, save for a hanging thing for clothes, since the room has no closet). But I quickly realized that I needed some help. Just another person. And though that irks my independent streak, it's just the truth. So I went home, a bit dejected and realizing that I would need some more planning.
I thought about going on Saturday, but had no one to help me. So I went to my friend, Ryan's, play, written by kids who stutter in an organization he's been working with for about a year. Another mutual friend was in town with a friend of his, so we all went. Lots of fun. At least, kind of interesting. I don't think I've ever really been around anyone who stutters, it was sort of wild to see so many kids in on place who all stutter. But it seems like really an awesome organization, giving a voice to kids who don't have one.
I was also busy last week with packing, moving, then going to a lesson on financial literacy for immigrants for a project I'm working with that's surveying Mexican immigrants to try and develop a microinsurance for them. It was also pretty cool, and exposure into this world of finance that I am really interested in, but haven't gotten much experience in. And research is research is research. That's the lesson I've learned. It's also great for my Spanish (though exhausting).
Oh AND I house-sat for my friend, Molly, and her husband in Queens last weekend. So really, things have been a bit insane. The office move is also a frustrating, as opposed to exciting, one. It's been confusing and frustrating and a move from an annex with a really different culture to the main building where the actual clinic is, and the culture is a bit more...restrictive.
Anyway, I did finally make it to Ikea on Sunday with my friend, Emma, where I purchased my first bed! And a dresser and desk. I excitedly began putting together the bed, though the excitement quickly turned to weariness, but I made it through and put together a more or less sturdy bed, all by myself! I also put together the "desk" (really just a table), and the dresser will have to wait until I can manage a screwdriver again. I also got some shelves and dark stain, which should be a fun project. Overall, I've actually had quite a fun time figuring out how to put all this together and making myself a cute little home all my own. Anyway, that's the update for now! Should be more updates and excitement soon--my dad's coming to visit this weekend, which I'm pretty excited about. So fun times!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Incongruence
I got in a disagreement with a coworker yesterday. It was really stupid (the disagreement), but it was one more straw on a stack that's building. And I wanted to lessen that, but instead I added my own stack.
I have been frustrated before about the sociological implications of my job, and my having more social power but not any more technical power in the work place. Maybe not articulated exactly that way, but that's how I see if now. But this truly takes the cake, AND I think I didn't realize how unaligned my view of the world is with several of the folks I work with. Now, we have several Case Managers (6?), several of whom I get along quite well with, at least I think. But there are two with whom I have seen more potential for difficulty--I'll call them R and C. Both of these women fall into the categories of black women who are former drug users, have cleaned up and gotten Bachelor's degrees, and a great union job. There is one other coworker who fits into this category (we'll call her B). But for whatever reason, I have seen R and C are much more intimidated?
So I have had not really any difficulty with C (though she can be frustrating to deal with), perhaps because I have skated around her as though I could see the ice cracking already. But I felt more comfortable with R from the beginning, which I think ironically made things more dangerous. Once EMR began and everyone started asking me questions about computers ALL THE TIME (not complaining, just noting), she would call me and I would answer, "What?" because I wanted people to get to the point. Not the most professional, I realize, but actually I think it was an attempt to communicate like my coworkers (in a joking way), just the way I interpreted it. Which was not appreciated. She informed me; I have not since answered any of her phone calls or yelling out from her desk with, "What?"
Then a few months ago, all of our supervisors were gone except for a very high-up supervisor, and I made the mistake? of telling him what I wad doing. R told me that he doesn't need to be involved in our business, that we do our own thing and keep to ourselves. Which, to me, is bizarre. I come from the assumption that authority is here to protect us, to make sure everything that needs to get done, does. Which really is what all this boils down to. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
So yesterday R comes over to me and asks in a very flustered manner what we were supposed to be doing with a particular list. I had created a set of directions to do what needed to be done (which she didn't actually know), but before I told her that, I did not want her to be mad. I mean, she can be mad, but I didn't want to be talking to someone who was so flustered, even as it was not directed towards me. So I made a huge mistake. Huge. And also very preventable, had I taken two seconds to think about it, and reacted to her as a person unlike me. But no, I told her to take a breath. Bad move. Did I make that clear yet??
She told me not to talk to her "like that," to never mind and walked away. Whoops. Now, part of me really wishes I just had never said anything. But I also feel frustrated in not being able to be myself. In not being around people who are self-assured enough to shrug off my telling them to take a breath, or who can take a breath and laugh, or whatever. My intention was not to infer that she did not know how to calm herself down, but that we all need a reminder sometimes. And also that I don't talk to people who are upset. I won't. That is my limit. And I was trying to convey that in as inoffensive way as possible. But I guess it backfired.
So what I realized it that there is just a huge incongruence in how I view authority an how R does. Asking our supervisor to mediate a conversation did not help. Why did I think it would? She spent the conversation telling me she thinks I look down on her (I actually believe "us" was the word used), and that she was concerned about her job because I brought our supervisor in (though the supervisor made quite clear that she was not there in a supervisory nor disciplinary manner). Despite being I a union. Despite having done nothing wrong. Certainly nothing punishment-worthy. Despite my actually asking HER for information about what I could do differently that would help. Despite all that, she felt threatened. And like I think I'm better than her. And that I have power that she does not. And you know what? She's right. Not about my being better than her, but that I have more power. I am affluent, if not in my finances, in my vocabulary, in my demeanor, in my confidence and sense of empowerment. And that all counts for a lot, and goes to show you that poverty is about a hell of a lot more than money. It is disturbing to me that an adult reacted as she did to the entire situation, but I have to remember that she's coming from such a different world. A world where adults and other figures of authority are not to be trusted, and do not have your best intentions in mind.
I am so lucky to not be from that world. But I'm living in it right now, and talk about culture shock, in truly the most depressing way possible. It is a world of no hope, and distrust of but unavoidable reliance upon authority figures. Fear, uncertainty and doubt. This is America, dystopia-style.
I have been frustrated before about the sociological implications of my job, and my having more social power but not any more technical power in the work place. Maybe not articulated exactly that way, but that's how I see if now. But this truly takes the cake, AND I think I didn't realize how unaligned my view of the world is with several of the folks I work with. Now, we have several Case Managers (6?), several of whom I get along quite well with, at least I think. But there are two with whom I have seen more potential for difficulty--I'll call them R and C. Both of these women fall into the categories of black women who are former drug users, have cleaned up and gotten Bachelor's degrees, and a great union job. There is one other coworker who fits into this category (we'll call her B). But for whatever reason, I have seen R and C are much more intimidated?
So I have had not really any difficulty with C (though she can be frustrating to deal with), perhaps because I have skated around her as though I could see the ice cracking already. But I felt more comfortable with R from the beginning, which I think ironically made things more dangerous. Once EMR began and everyone started asking me questions about computers ALL THE TIME (not complaining, just noting), she would call me and I would answer, "What?" because I wanted people to get to the point. Not the most professional, I realize, but actually I think it was an attempt to communicate like my coworkers (in a joking way), just the way I interpreted it. Which was not appreciated. She informed me; I have not since answered any of her phone calls or yelling out from her desk with, "What?"
Then a few months ago, all of our supervisors were gone except for a very high-up supervisor, and I made the mistake? of telling him what I wad doing. R told me that he doesn't need to be involved in our business, that we do our own thing and keep to ourselves. Which, to me, is bizarre. I come from the assumption that authority is here to protect us, to make sure everything that needs to get done, does. Which really is what all this boils down to. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
So yesterday R comes over to me and asks in a very flustered manner what we were supposed to be doing with a particular list. I had created a set of directions to do what needed to be done (which she didn't actually know), but before I told her that, I did not want her to be mad. I mean, she can be mad, but I didn't want to be talking to someone who was so flustered, even as it was not directed towards me. So I made a huge mistake. Huge. And also very preventable, had I taken two seconds to think about it, and reacted to her as a person unlike me. But no, I told her to take a breath. Bad move. Did I make that clear yet??
She told me not to talk to her "like that," to never mind and walked away. Whoops. Now, part of me really wishes I just had never said anything. But I also feel frustrated in not being able to be myself. In not being around people who are self-assured enough to shrug off my telling them to take a breath, or who can take a breath and laugh, or whatever. My intention was not to infer that she did not know how to calm herself down, but that we all need a reminder sometimes. And also that I don't talk to people who are upset. I won't. That is my limit. And I was trying to convey that in as inoffensive way as possible. But I guess it backfired.
So what I realized it that there is just a huge incongruence in how I view authority an how R does. Asking our supervisor to mediate a conversation did not help. Why did I think it would? She spent the conversation telling me she thinks I look down on her (I actually believe "us" was the word used), and that she was concerned about her job because I brought our supervisor in (though the supervisor made quite clear that she was not there in a supervisory nor disciplinary manner). Despite being I a union. Despite having done nothing wrong. Certainly nothing punishment-worthy. Despite my actually asking HER for information about what I could do differently that would help. Despite all that, she felt threatened. And like I think I'm better than her. And that I have power that she does not. And you know what? She's right. Not about my being better than her, but that I have more power. I am affluent, if not in my finances, in my vocabulary, in my demeanor, in my confidence and sense of empowerment. And that all counts for a lot, and goes to show you that poverty is about a hell of a lot more than money. It is disturbing to me that an adult reacted as she did to the entire situation, but I have to remember that she's coming from such a different world. A world where adults and other figures of authority are not to be trusted, and do not have your best intentions in mind.
I am so lucky to not be from that world. But I'm living in it right now, and talk about culture shock, in truly the most depressing way possible. It is a world of no hope, and distrust of but unavoidable reliance upon authority figures. Fear, uncertainty and doubt. This is America, dystopia-style.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Life Updating
I've been a bit shallow on the life updates, and for that I apologize. It boils down to this--I have no idea what I'm doing, though I have quite a few options cooking, I just don't want to put them into a possibly-public arena. So you'll just have to find out from me directly :).
Here's what I will tell you: I'm moving to Brooklyn a week from tomorrow (yaaay!!) and if you couldn't tell, I'm pretty excited. The packing prospect is scaring the crap out of me though. I'm hoping I'll survive. Probably I will. The ridiculous part is that I don't even have much to move. But it just feels like a lot. And such a hassle. Blech. I'm hoping my excitement about moving to Williamsburg will carry me through. I'll also add that work has been a tad more fulfilling--I really felt like I helped a patient today, which was kind of awesome.
I do promise that once there are firm plans, I'll have major updates since I'll know exactly what I'll be doing (probably) in the next year or so. For now, limbo. Oh, what fun!
Here's what I will tell you: I'm moving to Brooklyn a week from tomorrow (yaaay!!) and if you couldn't tell, I'm pretty excited. The packing prospect is scaring the crap out of me though. I'm hoping I'll survive. Probably I will. The ridiculous part is that I don't even have much to move. But it just feels like a lot. And such a hassle. Blech. I'm hoping my excitement about moving to Williamsburg will carry me through. I'll also add that work has been a tad more fulfilling--I really felt like I helped a patient today, which was kind of awesome.
I do promise that once there are firm plans, I'll have major updates since I'll know exactly what I'll be doing (probably) in the next year or so. For now, limbo. Oh, what fun!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
This would be my Facebook status if it weren't so long
Another New York City story. This one is kind of sad.
This morning was way busy at work (yay!), and I ended up going to the pharmacy with a client to get his medications. Well, we're in the Rite Aid, and as the pharmacist is explaining that the client will actually have to pay for one of the things, and it will cost maybe $4-6, he is saying he doesn't have $5, which is pathetic but probably true (at least sort of, like, at least not $5 to spare), and this older woman at the same moment is getting her reciept while picking up her prescription, and notes that the reciept is extremely long and what a waste of paper that is (wait until she looks at the printed information that you get with EVERY REFILL. Talk about wasted paper). But I was just so struck by the contrasted concerns--my patient upset because Medicaid won't pay $5 for something, and this woman totally distressed that the Rite Aid was wasting so much paper. Perfectly New York.
It's definitely sad. And also hilariously demonstrative of how effed up our country is. How much we waste and yet, can only help people a small bit. I also should note that today alone I had two patients say they think AIDS is a conspiracy by "them" to kill black people or make money by not using the cure that he was convinced they already have developed.
Sometimes I think I'm really naive. I totally give people the benefit of the doubt; assume they are logical. But actually, most people don't understand much about the world. Probably myself included. I try and explain to people that no one is actually out to get them. They probably don't believe me. Or, worse, think I'm "them." Not that I approve of how the world is or works. But the feeling and effects of dis-empowerment is quite striking.
This morning was way busy at work (yay!), and I ended up going to the pharmacy with a client to get his medications. Well, we're in the Rite Aid, and as the pharmacist is explaining that the client will actually have to pay for one of the things, and it will cost maybe $4-6, he is saying he doesn't have $5, which is pathetic but probably true (at least sort of, like, at least not $5 to spare), and this older woman at the same moment is getting her reciept while picking up her prescription, and notes that the reciept is extremely long and what a waste of paper that is (wait until she looks at the printed information that you get with EVERY REFILL. Talk about wasted paper). But I was just so struck by the contrasted concerns--my patient upset because Medicaid won't pay $5 for something, and this woman totally distressed that the Rite Aid was wasting so much paper. Perfectly New York.
It's definitely sad. And also hilariously demonstrative of how effed up our country is. How much we waste and yet, can only help people a small bit. I also should note that today alone I had two patients say they think AIDS is a conspiracy by "them" to kill black people or make money by not using the cure that he was convinced they already have developed.
Sometimes I think I'm really naive. I totally give people the benefit of the doubt; assume they are logical. But actually, most people don't understand much about the world. Probably myself included. I try and explain to people that no one is actually out to get them. They probably don't believe me. Or, worse, think I'm "them." Not that I approve of how the world is or works. But the feeling and effects of dis-empowerment is quite striking.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
SATC 2
Yesterday was my birthday, and the lovely Molly, for whom I am housesitting and who is generously and amazingly helping me move with the loaning of her husband and truck, took me to see Sex and the City 2. I had no idea Molly was into SATC, mostly because we've shared lots of our feminist ideals, and SATC has become less and less really feminist. But we went into it knowing it had awful reviews and would be terrifically horrible. We had no idea.
The main takeaway for me was that it could have been so good!! There were a few scenes that were actually quite touching and insightful--into the characters, into our society. And then there was all this random shit that happened. As if the producers went (Molly's words), "You know what, folks? This movie is going to make a butt-load, no matter what it is about. So let's make a list of things that would be cool to include, and we'll draw some out of a hat and just throw those in. Wouldn't that be fun??" The most awful part was a scene where the women do karaoke together--they sing "I Am Woman," which is not upbeat nor popular in the last 30 years. And just kind of dumb. What made it most tragic was the possibility--it could have been "I Will Survive" or something. Which is awesome and empowering, maybe not the right lyrics, but really fun. I'm sure they could've thought of something else. So that was frustrating.
It was also just really obnoxiously ostentatious to a completely unnecessary degree. And Carrie was way annoying, more-so than in the show or the first movie. And just generally all the complaints were so ridiculous. Their lives are all without any financial worries, and they can't figure out ways to make their live mean something? Just kind of stupid. Anyway, I'm still glad I saw it, if only for nostalgia.
The main takeaway for me was that it could have been so good!! There were a few scenes that were actually quite touching and insightful--into the characters, into our society. And then there was all this random shit that happened. As if the producers went (Molly's words), "You know what, folks? This movie is going to make a butt-load, no matter what it is about. So let's make a list of things that would be cool to include, and we'll draw some out of a hat and just throw those in. Wouldn't that be fun??" The most awful part was a scene where the women do karaoke together--they sing "I Am Woman," which is not upbeat nor popular in the last 30 years. And just kind of dumb. What made it most tragic was the possibility--it could have been "I Will Survive" or something. Which is awesome and empowering, maybe not the right lyrics, but really fun. I'm sure they could've thought of something else. So that was frustrating.
It was also just really obnoxiously ostentatious to a completely unnecessary degree. And Carrie was way annoying, more-so than in the show or the first movie. And just generally all the complaints were so ridiculous. Their lives are all without any financial worries, and they can't figure out ways to make their live mean something? Just kind of stupid. Anyway, I'm still glad I saw it, if only for nostalgia.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Upper West Side
The Upper West Side is a funny place. My blogger app on the iPhone just deleted everything I wrote in the past 15 minutes. Awesome. I'll summarize--the UWS has lots of families, including mothers of infants and nannies of young children, all of whom gather at the new Whole Foods. Which is also where I eat lunch every day. I'm working on this. I brought my own lunch two days this week. Yay! Accomplishment! But it is still hard for me to stay away. It is too easy to just say, I'll go there. Though as it's warmer, I think I'll try to get to Central Park more often. So some of it is paying for a place to sit.
Anyhow, it is also an interesting (if sometimes obnoxious) place to people-watch. There are lots of children, and then their caretakers, who, as mentioned previously, are anything from new, young hip moms to nannies. The nannies are nearly always minorities, often older, always women. Sometimes there are families. It is always incredible how many people, in the middle of the day, are hanging out at Whole Foods. So. Many. Do these people not have jobs, I wonder? How? Can I do what they're doing? Obvs there are lots of folks on their lunch breaks. Recently, they've been census workers. Also lots of construction workers (there's a huge construction project going on all around). There are also often people sitting on laptops (mostly macs), engaging in some level of work. I want their jobs. But anyway. Today these few things collided in a new type of person. The parent who brings their kid to Whole Food to do work.
Before describing this woman, I should mention that New York City has a wide variety of dress styles. People can dress pretty slouchy and go unnoticed, more or less. There are just so many people. And no one cares. But this woman took slouchy to a whole new level. It looked not like she'd just rolled out of bed but that she'd been wearing the same outfit for a few days, probably not having showered for that whole time. I should mention she was white, as are many of the Whole Foods frequenters. And there was something very hippy about her--it was more intentional than accident that she seemed so unkempt. I can't put my finger on why I assume this. And maybe I'm wrong. But she had a computer. And a nice stroller. And she was white, quite honestly, and also in good shape (not overweight). Probably wearing sandals. Luke Chacos or something. I can't remember, but I wouldn't be surprised. Anyhow, when I first sat down, I saw a little blond child exploring the seat next to me where a young woman, maybe even in her late teens, sat, shooting me frequent uncomfortable glances, arms intentionally kept close to her body. She made sure not to give the child any encouragement, clearly not thrilled he was imposing on her space. It took me a bit, regardless, of observing the two of them interact to realize they were not together; he, oblivious to her very adult (or adolescent) body language saying, "uh, what?! are you doing here..."; she, unsure how to react to someone so inattentive to his or her child that they didn't notice her clear discomfort. Mostly it took time because there was no other adult anywere nearby who the child did seem attached to. Until the disheveled woman approached and nonchalantly noted, "if he gets annoying, just give me a wave, " before returning to the world of some networked world via her laptop, five tables over.
Cue look in my direction of severe discomfort.
I shrugged. Gave a look of uncertainty. What IS the ettiquite for people who disregard their children, at your expense?but the child wasn't bothering me. If he were, I'd be assertive, take his little hand and walk him back over to his mommy. The little boy grabbed the SmartWater bottle on the table. Uncomfortable young woman is finally motivated to do something besides give looks of alarm. She takes the bottle from him.
He left after a few minutes, toddled over to the trash cans and cleaning chemical cupboard (really. I come here every day) and began pulling down the sign, "This is NOT a trash can," that everyone disregards. In his defense, he did figure out how to put it back, placing the Velcro parts together. I guess someone has taught him to be responsible. More evidence to the intentionality of his mother's harried dress.
It was at this point I noticed that said child looked in line with his mother. Though to top off his severe bed-head, he wore a cloth diaper, or hippie-underwear, over his clothes. Which, really, is just kind of icky. It was probably clean. But still. Odd. Mom finished up whatever she was working on. The super-uncomfortable victim of the child's innocence and naivete of social norms left. All was well.
But the incident really does make me think about children, culture, acceptable behavior. The mother obviously was not paying attention to how her child was affecting others. And I don't think you should be paranoid about that, which is all too easy to do, but, really. It was so blatant how freaked out the young woman sitting next to me was, and the feeling I got from the mother's comment was that she wanted to feel like she'd offered an out, when really she just didn't want to watch her child.
I do think the young woman disturbed by the child's presence bears some responsibility in speaking up, or explaining to the child that hanging out in someone else's space (or, at least, HER space) is not really acceptable. Obviously there was a line, with him grabbing her water bottle, but she was clearly uncomfortable before that. And she could have told the mother that she was really not okay with the kid being all up in her grill, probably especially since his mom didn't seem to be really paying attention to him. When I have been in that position, I have felt responsible--like if the kid did something dangerous, I would need to tell them to stop. Which is part of why I would bring the kid over to its parent. Or at least talk to him or her (the child).
But I found it to be an interesting dilemma. Also that it's totally inappropriate to bring your child to Whole Foods to do work and behave as though you are in your own home, where other people who may or may not be made to feel uncomfortable by your child's presence and your inattentiveness. Or maybe I'm being too paranoid, and not letting others just be responsible for themselves, and know where their lines are and how to draw them.
Anyhow, it is also an interesting (if sometimes obnoxious) place to people-watch. There are lots of children, and then their caretakers, who, as mentioned previously, are anything from new, young hip moms to nannies. The nannies are nearly always minorities, often older, always women. Sometimes there are families. It is always incredible how many people, in the middle of the day, are hanging out at Whole Foods. So. Many. Do these people not have jobs, I wonder? How? Can I do what they're doing? Obvs there are lots of folks on their lunch breaks. Recently, they've been census workers. Also lots of construction workers (there's a huge construction project going on all around). There are also often people sitting on laptops (mostly macs), engaging in some level of work. I want their jobs. But anyway. Today these few things collided in a new type of person. The parent who brings their kid to Whole Food to do work.
Before describing this woman, I should mention that New York City has a wide variety of dress styles. People can dress pretty slouchy and go unnoticed, more or less. There are just so many people. And no one cares. But this woman took slouchy to a whole new level. It looked not like she'd just rolled out of bed but that she'd been wearing the same outfit for a few days, probably not having showered for that whole time. I should mention she was white, as are many of the Whole Foods frequenters. And there was something very hippy about her--it was more intentional than accident that she seemed so unkempt. I can't put my finger on why I assume this. And maybe I'm wrong. But she had a computer. And a nice stroller. And she was white, quite honestly, and also in good shape (not overweight). Probably wearing sandals. Luke Chacos or something. I can't remember, but I wouldn't be surprised. Anyhow, when I first sat down, I saw a little blond child exploring the seat next to me where a young woman, maybe even in her late teens, sat, shooting me frequent uncomfortable glances, arms intentionally kept close to her body. She made sure not to give the child any encouragement, clearly not thrilled he was imposing on her space. It took me a bit, regardless, of observing the two of them interact to realize they were not together; he, oblivious to her very adult (or adolescent) body language saying, "uh, what?! are you doing here..."; she, unsure how to react to someone so inattentive to his or her child that they didn't notice her clear discomfort. Mostly it took time because there was no other adult anywere nearby who the child did seem attached to. Until the disheveled woman approached and nonchalantly noted, "if he gets annoying, just give me a wave, " before returning to the world of some networked world via her laptop, five tables over.
Cue look in my direction of severe discomfort.
I shrugged. Gave a look of uncertainty. What IS the ettiquite for people who disregard their children, at your expense?but the child wasn't bothering me. If he were, I'd be assertive, take his little hand and walk him back over to his mommy. The little boy grabbed the SmartWater bottle on the table. Uncomfortable young woman is finally motivated to do something besides give looks of alarm. She takes the bottle from him.
He left after a few minutes, toddled over to the trash cans and cleaning chemical cupboard (really. I come here every day) and began pulling down the sign, "This is NOT a trash can," that everyone disregards. In his defense, he did figure out how to put it back, placing the Velcro parts together. I guess someone has taught him to be responsible. More evidence to the intentionality of his mother's harried dress.
It was at this point I noticed that said child looked in line with his mother. Though to top off his severe bed-head, he wore a cloth diaper, or hippie-underwear, over his clothes. Which, really, is just kind of icky. It was probably clean. But still. Odd. Mom finished up whatever she was working on. The super-uncomfortable victim of the child's innocence and naivete of social norms left. All was well.
But the incident really does make me think about children, culture, acceptable behavior. The mother obviously was not paying attention to how her child was affecting others. And I don't think you should be paranoid about that, which is all too easy to do, but, really. It was so blatant how freaked out the young woman sitting next to me was, and the feeling I got from the mother's comment was that she wanted to feel like she'd offered an out, when really she just didn't want to watch her child.
I do think the young woman disturbed by the child's presence bears some responsibility in speaking up, or explaining to the child that hanging out in someone else's space (or, at least, HER space) is not really acceptable. Obviously there was a line, with him grabbing her water bottle, but she was clearly uncomfortable before that. And she could have told the mother that she was really not okay with the kid being all up in her grill, probably especially since his mom didn't seem to be really paying attention to him. When I have been in that position, I have felt responsible--like if the kid did something dangerous, I would need to tell them to stop. Which is part of why I would bring the kid over to its parent. Or at least talk to him or her (the child).
But I found it to be an interesting dilemma. Also that it's totally inappropriate to bring your child to Whole Foods to do work and behave as though you are in your own home, where other people who may or may not be made to feel uncomfortable by your child's presence and your inattentiveness. Or maybe I'm being too paranoid, and not letting others just be responsible for themselves, and know where their lines are and how to draw them.
End of May
Tomorrow is my birthday. I have one remaining year before I have completed a quarter century on this earth, a teeny tiny blip in the scheme of things. But I am feeling particularly aged. Not old, exactly, but definitely more adult. I can't avoid the fact that I am an adult any longer. I just am. And somewhere along the way, I did begin to feel more adult. This is dull, I realize. But you know what? That's kind of being an adult. It's pretty boring. Which is a whole lot better than it being really stressful or sad or overwhelming. So for now, I'm actually extremely grateful for the mundane. For things being boring. For boring being the biggest problem I have. That's a really awesome problem to have. And I still hope I'm not always bored. But for now, it's better than a lot of the alternatives, and I really do have so much to be thankful for.
Now onto work on those things that need some shaking up! Here's to another adventurous, bewildering, scary year in my life. This one has brought a world I couldn't have imagined. One that is surprisingly stable, despite my efforts. And next year, hopefully by this time I'll be on the shores of a foreign land, relaxing with a delicious drink of some exotic kind and staring into the great abyss of the Atlantic or Pacific. Doesn't matter which. Maybe I'll be by myself. Maybe someone will have come to visit and share the celebration of a completion of 25 years...who knows. But I damn well will not be here. And really, I mean this in the most hopeful, not depressing, way--that's what keeps me going. Knowing that soon, things will be different.
Ok so I'm still bored at work. That's pretty much the end of that thought process. But I really have been doing a lot of reflecting on my life. Introspection. Hah, I realize, I'm always doing that. I'm kinda known for it. But I've been a bit more deliberate about it recently. Working out the problems of what, exactly, it is I do not like about my job, the position in my life, etc. And being really self-centered in a way I've never been, never let myself be, before. Not really listening to what other people think, or certainly not nearly as much as I usually have in the past. One of the bigger realizations I've had is about extremes. I kind of gave up on music because I assumed I wouldn't make it professionally (probably rightly so), but I am recognizing that (duh) just because I don't do it professionally does not in any way limit my ability or the need, really, for me to sing and play guitar in my free time; I can even spend money on it. It's still worth it, because it makes me feel that much better. And I don't think I have ever really recognized that. At least not about music. Actually reminds me of Glee from last week, the one with Neal Patrick Harris, who is out to get arts programs because he feels like they lead him on, and made him erroneously believe he could succeed as a star. Anyway, I saw that and kind of recognized my own thought process, obviously a hyperbolistic version, but it helped me recognize how ridiculous what I was thinking was. And I'd been coming to that conclusion already, but it highlighted it.
Now onto work on those things that need some shaking up! Here's to another adventurous, bewildering, scary year in my life. This one has brought a world I couldn't have imagined. One that is surprisingly stable, despite my efforts. And next year, hopefully by this time I'll be on the shores of a foreign land, relaxing with a delicious drink of some exotic kind and staring into the great abyss of the Atlantic or Pacific. Doesn't matter which. Maybe I'll be by myself. Maybe someone will have come to visit and share the celebration of a completion of 25 years...who knows. But I damn well will not be here. And really, I mean this in the most hopeful, not depressing, way--that's what keeps me going. Knowing that soon, things will be different.
Ok so I'm still bored at work. That's pretty much the end of that thought process. But I really have been doing a lot of reflecting on my life. Introspection. Hah, I realize, I'm always doing that. I'm kinda known for it. But I've been a bit more deliberate about it recently. Working out the problems of what, exactly, it is I do not like about my job, the position in my life, etc. And being really self-centered in a way I've never been, never let myself be, before. Not really listening to what other people think, or certainly not nearly as much as I usually have in the past. One of the bigger realizations I've had is about extremes. I kind of gave up on music because I assumed I wouldn't make it professionally (probably rightly so), but I am recognizing that (duh) just because I don't do it professionally does not in any way limit my ability or the need, really, for me to sing and play guitar in my free time; I can even spend money on it. It's still worth it, because it makes me feel that much better. And I don't think I have ever really recognized that. At least not about music. Actually reminds me of Glee from last week, the one with Neal Patrick Harris, who is out to get arts programs because he feels like they lead him on, and made him erroneously believe he could succeed as a star. Anyway, I saw that and kind of recognized my own thought process, obviously a hyperbolistic version, but it helped me recognize how ridiculous what I was thinking was. And I'd been coming to that conclusion already, but it highlighted it.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Crazy-*ss Dreams
I must be freaked out about something, because I had some vivid and just...weird...dreams last night. Though I think I should explain that my "weird" dreams are always really realistic, and that's why they're weird. Like, I had a dermatology appointment today, and I dreamed that I was at the dermatologist's office, and they told me I had high cholesterol (which isn't really quite as strange as it sounds because that was, in fact, a test they had run. Though it was not, in fact, high). So, I have very realistic dreams, but I think that makes them emotionally more difficult to detach from. Maybe other peoples' unrealistic dreams are also difficult to attach from. I guess who am I to judge, but I also dreamed about friends from high school, just like, hanging out with them. It just always sort of throws me off when I have those dreams. And they feel so real. And they COULD be. But then they're not. It's strange. Anyway, it kind of threw me off pretty much for the whole day. And I was uberbored at work. Not that that's strange. Ok, really that's all for now. Sort of a lame update. On par with my life.
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